A lot of changes in the last six months, and a lot of right-side-up, upside down madness.
My little man, or should I say, almost pre-teen (ack!) is closing in on his 11th birthday. I am equal parts elated and shocked. I mean, really, how fast did those years go? It’s such a cliché, I know. I started blogging in 2002, the year before he was born, and here we are years later. I still regret missing so much of his early years focusing on my inability to build a bigger family, but let me tell you– I have made up for the lost years in the last three. I am so happy that I was finally able to really be the Mom he deserved. Someday, when he is older, I hope he knows it too.
I have a new job. An old-old/new job. I am back at my corporate desk, working again from home in the land of big technology. This time, my old employer is my client. It’s the 2014 answer to going back to an old job. In the world we live in, where outsourcing is the norm, I count myself lucky to find my way back in this non-traditional manner. Turns out, I loved my old-old job and the people enough to jump back in. I call it coming full circle.
I’m trying to be a better version of me lately. I fail miserably at times, but more often than not, I have little successes that make up for the failures in spades. The thing about being in my mid-forties, you see, is a focus on spending less time beating myself up. I was never quite capable of that in my thirties, and not until the last two years. Sure, there are times when I grip the arms of my chair and have a serious WTF conversation with my inner self (trust me, it’s needed some of the time), but really? I think something changes when you cross the bridge to the second half of life. All that crap I focused my energy on… 90% of it was wasted. I prefer to channel as much as I can to efforts that MEAN something, or will seriously impact the lives of my husband, my child, and me. I call this wisdom.
Remember back in the day when there was that meme, writing a note to your younger self at age 20? I never did it, but I could write the heck out of one now. Bygones.
We live and learn, and if we are damn lucky, we get a chance for do-overs.