Corporate Retirement

Today is my last day.

Many of you already know, but this is the day the world knows. Nearly 20 years with the same company in the same industry immersed in the land of software technology and fast-paced-blink-and-you-miss-it business. That’s my favorite logo up there (not in use for quite a long time since acquisition), as I always thought of myself as yellow, then b.i.g blue. Always yellow.

Today I give up my company-owned laptop (truthfully, I wanted to chuck it though the window but policy dictates that I transfer it in a …. ummmm…more “civil” manner).

This was my identity.

Until today, that is.

For the next ten days I am unemployed, and in May I start a new career in the family business. Less stress, less long days and hopefully more time to dedicate to myself and my family.

Looking back, I nearly could vomit when I think about the rollercoaster which was my career here. So many twists, turns, and drops. So many opportunities to morph into a raging bitch (heh), but thankfully I leave the same way I started on my first day in 1992…

…just me… older, wiser, way more computer literate, integrity intact! and armed with a kick-ass Coach bag.

Here’s to the memories and friends I’ve made along the journey. What a strange and precious journey it’s been.


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And I Thought Infertility was Bad

How I wish I was here to write about how great life has been lately, and how much I am looking forward to waking up each day with a smile on my face. A post to talk about all the exciting things I’ve been doing over the last month.

This will NOT be one of those posts.

You have been warned. This will be one of the few times I have ever whined on this blog (outside of talking about infertility).

proceed with caution…

So, immediately after we returned from our idyllic vacation S. got notice his work was officially dunzo.  Great timing indeed.

Now, if you are a reader over the last year… we knew this was coming. Sort of. It didn’t happen quite in the way we expected. He’s now in a new job that requires him to be away from home 13+ hours each day. And, NO, that doesn’t mean a shortened work week. And, yes, we will take a big financial hit. I would love to tell you the details, but out of respect for his privacy, let’s just say we are in deep doo-doo. In body and spirit.

I am acting like a petulant toddler, in that, I now basically am “single-mommying” it with the little guy. Which wouldn’t be so bad if I WASN’T WORKING my own FT job. And, by full-time I mean more than 60 hours a week.

That, while juggling David’s schedule too. Homework, soccer, karate. No more family dinners, and what breaks my heart the most? S. gets to spend about 45 minutes a day with David.

That’s it.

Last night we had one of those back to school meetings scheduled for 7pm.  When S. called me from the car at 6:45pm I knew it wouldn’t be good news. He was stuck in traffic, and would be late to the event.

My mind quickly went into overdrive, and within nano-seconds I was in full-blown tears, my carefully-applied make-up sliding down my face. Five minutes before I had to leave.

(Thank you Twitter friends for rescuing me last night).

Listen, I know a job is a job. And I know that many people do not have a job. But when I tell you I am THISCLOSE to wanting S. to walk out I am not kidding. He could take a lesser job and make money and be happy. He could be on unemployment. Even extreme circumstances sound good right now.

I can’t believe this is where my head is at right now.

I don’t even want to get into what I am feeling about my own job. I literally could just sob right into my keyboard and short out my laptop motherboard.

We were spoiled all these years. Now with employment taking the #1 place as the Top Source of Stress in the BagMomma House, I am wistful of the days of just wondering if I’d flunk another cycle around the secondary infertility wheel.


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I hate the fact that lately I haven’t had much to say lately that was positive. If you all knew me IRL you would know that I am (mostly) a glass half-full kind of girl. Sure, you can beat me down with a stick, but I am like that dandelion that keeps coming back on your almost weed-free lawn.  Resilient.

I am requesting another job within the company I work for (it’s pretty much a done deal, just waiting for the final word). I’ve decided that this is not necessarily a bad thing. Part of my problem at work is the company itself (could go on for hours on this topic), and some of the people as well have driven me to the point of insanity. It does not, however, extinguish my personal flame for wanting to succeed in something I am good at. The fact is, I want to work. Work replenishes me when the chips are down (and they have, haven’t they?). I need to work. And maybe a change of scenery would be a welcome change. My ultimate goal is to do something I like, and I have a crazy grand plan in my head. I am pondering a complete career shift. Too early to talk about yet-  still kicking out the cobwebs and figuring out the financials.

Secondly. You all know I HATE starting drama. I just don’t do it as a rule. I have enough infertility drama to span a lifetime, so I am never one to pick a fight.

But I am pissed OFF at a fellow infertilty blogger. It was a few posts that set me off into the deep end. I was offended. Twice. I considered commenting, but then I remembered the golden rule… “If you can’t say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.” No, I am not linking or divulging here in this post. It’s childish. But I will tell you I promptly removed this person from my reader.

The thing about blogs… they are so personal. Many of us open our lives to complete strangers in the hope that we find a common bond, a kinship with another who has walked our path. So coming into contact with someone that beats down their own kind? Disrespectful.

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The Career Path

Can you trace back a major life decision to a specific point and time?

When it comes to my career, I can. I like to think that it chose me.

I recently uncovered a crumpled up piece of paper in my desk while I was cleaning last week. It was the original Help Wanted ad from my local newspaper dated Dec 18th, 1992.

“Wanted: Sales assistant for innovative software company in PA/NJ area. Must have some computer knowledge and a strong will to succeed in a fast-paced industry. Call J. @ xxx-xxx-xxxx.”

Simple and somewhat intriguing. So I called J., a sweet Southerner from Georgia who agreed to meet me for an interview. We met the week after the New Year, and she offered me the job on the spot. I confessed that my computer knowledge was limited (EVERYONE’s was in 1992), but she said she had a good feeling about me.

And so I entered the corporate world on that day. With only my bachelor’s degree and a two-years post graduate work history that included retail and a stint at my Dad’s construction company. What she saw in me, I have no idea.

My first day, I was assigned a HUGE desktop computer and a cube to sit in. I had never seen the Windows Operating System in my life, in fact, the only time I touched a real computer was in college to print out assignments (and it was JUST a Word Processing machine). And a little bit of dabbling in MS-DOS. That was college in 1986-1990.

In 1992, the Internet was still a foreign concept. Few companies were using e-mail systems, and the company I worked for had only one competitor. But we were good, we were the “Google” of the time. Our competitor hated us because our e-mail and desktop software was infinitely better. And in the early 90’s companies were banging down our doors for software and services. Our door.

That translated to profit. A lot. And one of the perks of my job was I also served as the person who set up team meetings and conferences. I had no budget. I traveled everywhere with my team. Exclusive hotels, spas, locations. Dinners at exclusive restaurants. It was an embarrassment of riches, and even though my paycheck was minuscule compared to the sales folks, I got to ride the wave with them. I got Tiffany jewelry and clocks for awards. I met celebrities. I saw and did more in those years than I would ever in my life.

In my twenties, no less… heaven.

Then, in the mid-90’s we were acquired by a conservative technology company. We kicked and screamed for years until they finally completed the acquisition. Some of my co-workers jumped ship to start their own companies, some of us hung on. Some failed in their start-ups, some came back. Some retired. Software sales was a dog-eat-dog world, and the mantra was work hard, play hard… 24/7.

It was exciting to be a participant in the revolution of the Internet, Messaging, and Collaboration. I went from a naive young girl with no computer experience to an expert… trained in the trenches with my teammates.

As time went on, the climate changed. The perks went away. The travel went away. I lost my job no less than 3 times, and was lucky enough to find another position within the company each time.

17 years later, I am still hanging on.

And I can’t believe that this all started from a 5-line Help Wanted ad.

And J., who saw that light in me and took a chance on a young and inexperienced girl with no career direction.

What decisions have you made that permanently altered your life’s path?

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