Mixed Bag-Momma

My flowers… are beautiful in the backyard this year.

I had a dream last night that I was in my old fertility clinic. I rushed there after a call from my doctor, who exclaimed that I needed to come see a friend and her newborn. When I got there, I was handed a dark-haired baby with porcelain skin and blue eyes. Her Mom’s name was Trish (not anyone I’ve ever seen), and she wanted to give me her baby. The feeling I had…. was so real I woke up and started at the ceiling with tears in my eyes.

What a way to start the day. Good thing I am visiting Dr. Anne tomorrow.

So, we’ve been busy around our house lately. Enrolled the boy in Karate last week. Or shall I say, “mixed martial arts” because “The Master” said it was, and who am I to argue against a black belt? heh. Anyway, we chose this activity very carefully. Long story short (and for another post) David’s school recommended Karate to help David with his shyness/anxiety. We sat with him and just watched a few classes last week, then David started participating this week. After a rocky first 10 minutes, he was smiling and taking direction like he had been there for months. Way to go, my boy! Very pleased with the instructor so far. His values are on point with what we teach David at home, and if anything I hope that David starts to build his confidence and gets in some physical activity. We’ll see how it goes.

Another milestone this weekend, David “graduated” in the world of cub scouts. He was a Tiger Scout until Sunday… now a Wolf Scout. He just loves scouts. I am dreading the end of August, however. He will be in karate, starting soccer season, AND a new year of scouts. I don’t know how those of you with many kids manage all that scheduling. We may need to evaluate and adjust in the Fall.

And, me? I am hanging in. Started to walk on a regular basis again which is helping with the cobwebs on my soul. A lot inward thinking going on.

And I want an iPad. Any of you guys have one yet? Do you like it? Advantages/disadvantages? Is it pretty much like my iPad Touch, just bigger?

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Game Over

Well, sorry to leave you all hanging (I’ve been installing the new home computer all day, more on that later because it has been just frought with roadblocks!).

Friday was the last day I had a positive HPT. The booster/trigger was gone by Saturday, and alas….

no second line to be found.

I was upset about this Saturday night. It means my dream of at least being pregnant before my 40th birthday is gone. I bitched, moaned, and drank a couple of glasses of wine. Then I whimpered on the couch and had another glass of wine. Then I went to bed and couldn’t sleep. The pits.

I don’t feel all that much better today, but I have no choice but to move onward. AF just started mere moments ago, so in a couple of days I’ll be back at the RE’s for a CD3 scan.

We will do one more shot with injectibles/IUI (hopefully we can get the go to start right into another cycle… I have meds left).

If the next is a bust, we aren’t wasting anymore $$ for meds and u/s, when we can get a better chance at IVF. But getting to IVF means the end of the road and money is near…. which is scary.

I leave you with two thoughts for the day:

Windows Vista sucks.
I hate to fail.
2008, how could you piss me off already??? It’s only the first week of the year.

ok, I guess that was three thoughts.

Peace on Earth, or at least at BagMomma’s house

So where have I been?

I was growing tired of the drama around here. Is it a coincidence that I have off from work this week? I think I must have used some serious psychic powers knowing I would need this week off.

If you remember a week or two back, my drama at work was reaching a head, and then the great computer meltdown occurred. Then the loss of Luke. All the while, anticipating my first cycle back on the TTC bandwagon and worrying about that.

I had originally scheduled this week off to do a lot of little projects around the house. I have done a few, and did another purse cleanout and donation. I cleaned two closets (so far) generating a landfill of trash. Mostly empty boxes and crap I was saving for god knows what.

Sadly, my PC rebuild hasn’t gone as planned… so I ended up ordering a new PC for the family computer. Since I had my work laptop under lockdown since last Friday, I’ve been out of the loop on blogging and e-mail. My Google Reader had 780 unread posts when I posted on Monday… I’m sure it’s over 1,000 by now. But you know what? It doesn’t matter.

I am relishing the fact that I have been able to detach myself from the computer for awhile.

I even (GASP) went shopping to REAL stores yesterday. Places where they give you free boxes with gifts you buy instead of my internet purchases where they CHARGE you a giftwrap/box fee.

I went to lunch alone yesterday, and sat in a restaurant eating a turkey wrap with NOWHERE to be. I browsed the Coach store, Williams-Sonoma, Sur Le Table, and Harry & David. I sat in a comfy chair in Starbucks sipping a Latte watching the snow fall outside.

It was heaven. Well, except for the money I spent.

So far, this week is turning out to be unexpectedly decent.

I am done my BCPs, and awaiting arrival of AF to make my first u/s appointment and the start of my injectables cycle.

I am (almost!) done my Christmas shopping.

I finished decorating, and decorated a special tree dedicated to our departed pets. We got rid of the dog and cat food, the dishes, the kitty litter. It was time to let it all go.

My new PC should arrive next week, and I think I’ll just take my time loading everything on it. I am using my work laptop for urgent stuff and these posts in the meantime. Won’t have my usual time to browse and lurk, but that’s okay. It’s temporary.

To sum up this week in one word: PEACEFUL

[breathing out a sigh of content]