Inside Out

I recently attended a local adoption seminar at an agency. I hesitate to write about it, because my reaction to it was unexpected.

I sort of walked into it with the task of obtaining information on domestic adoption. Get in, and get out. I am the sort of person that needs to chew on an idea after I’ve gathered initial information. So the surprise was on me, THIS information session was out of my comfort zone.

When S. and I got there, we sat in a small room with about 6 other couples. I sat with an inch thick folder on my lap which I procured on the way in. I watched the clock. The meeting started late. The social worker, a really nice person, gave her speech which sort of went off the beaten path a hundred times over… that was okay… but of course there’s always the guest who monopolizes the conversation.

I started to get annoyed. The business person in me is thinking, “this is an information session, not a personal one on one interview”. Give the necessary info to the crowd, and leave it up to the individuals to stay and ask questions.

I started to zone out, and fidget. And after an hour had passed, they brought in a lovely couple with their newborn baby to share their own journey. I listened to their story, and as I did I scanned the room and noticed that the other women were almost in tears. I was not. I was detached. I wanted to escape.

Again, I found myself in a place that was unfamiliar. Almost like we did not belong. We seemed to be the oldest in the room. We were the only couple that had a child at home. The other couples looked like Barbie and Ken clones. All I could envision in that moment was disappointment. 

It had nothing to do with the topic at hand… I was very much interested in it. I just felt like I didn’t belong there, like there was a spotlight above our head. The odd couple out.

I also had little interest in dwelling on the obvious emotion that was hanging in the room. It felt cheap.  Unnecessary.  It was just too much. I didn’t come there to be sucked into the vortex they attempted to create.

At the two hour mark I stood up, excused myself nicely and S. and I left. It was a quiet drive home.

I’m not even sure where that all came from that night. The agency seemed great. The employees seemed nice. I came home with more information than I could ever ask for.

I just feel weird about it. Unsettled.

This path is proving to be more than I bargained for.

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This post is going to be a lot about nothing. You see, I popped on to my blog dashboard and saw my last post was #666 on BagMomma.

Cleary, I don’t need any more bad mojo around these parts so I present to you, post 667… representing all things not connected with the devil.

Ok, so now that’s out of the way.

I’ve been a bit tired and headachey this week, and I guess I need to attribute that to lack of sleep. I’ve been doing a lot of TV watching this week which has been cutting in to my sleepytime.

Of course, Monday I couldn’t bear to go to bed before confirming the rumors were true- Jake picked Vienna on The Bachelor. Oh hell no! Truth be told, I was prepared. You see, I read one of those spoiler sites that mapped out the entire season before it even started. Why do I even care about this crap, I’ll never understand… but I was hooked.

Poor Tenley was left curbside, like a real-life horrifying Disney plot (her profession prepared her well)… like when Bambi’s mother was shot by a hunter, or Nemo’s mother was eaten by a shark. The audience was equal parts shocked and let down. I have to hand it to the braintrust from The Bachelor… geniuses. Instead of the traditional happy ending, the villainess wins. You know Jake’s mother is having a sh!t fit over this.

Credit: ABC

And Jake must be some sort of Golden Ticket for ABC. Now he’s on DWTS too! Talk about extending his fifteen minutes of fame… three TV seasons with this dude. He’s going to need the extra cash, because we all know Vienna is high maintenance. Kidding! Not.

I’m also blissfully taking in the last episodes of Lost. I am so bummed that this is it. I’ve never truly been addicted to a series like I have with Lost. No spoilers here, but I will say it looks like we reached the top of the mountain, and it’s all downhill now.

This is the time when there is no “jumping the shark”, and we finally get to see the plot and the characters go bonkers.  Love it.

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