Perfecting the art of obsession

I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!

We’ve all heard this line, but I’ve actually said it at least 5 times this week.

My food snack of choice (in-between breakfast, lunch, and dinner) has been Cheez-Its, Raisin Bread, and Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal.

Of course, then I eat said snack with reckless abandon (not volume of portion, but speed) and 20 minutes later I am hungry again and feeling nauseous.

To combat the feeling of the ickies (which sometimes passes with 3-6 cinnamon Tic Tacs) I take a break from work (because work e-mails just make me more ill) and play Solitare on the PC.

The problem is, continuous playing of Solitare puts me into a trance, and almost a sleepy coma.

To wake up from Sleepytown, I brew my decaf coffee (with my most loved appliance, my Keurig Platinum Brewer), imagining that it is caffeinated.

And the cycle repeats.

Once again, I plead with the universe…. I really love having the pregnancy symptoms (I’ve often become giddy this week each time I get sick, I know that’s quite warped) but if this is really a sticky pregnancy, must you insist on being in the front of my mind 24/7?

When you factor in the symptoms and my total obsession with wondering am I ok? am I not ok? Is this going to work? Will I be disappointed again? How many hours till my next u/s again? Oh, that would be 112 hours, 37 minutes and 23 seconds….

Well, I’m just not very productive at the moment. Or rational.

I gave a presentation this morning regarding “contract gross profit” to a bunch of services consultants and the whole time I was thinking about having pizza for dinner (S. had mentioned he wanted pizza instead of making dinner which sent my taste buds reeling).

I need to at least give the impression to my coworkers that I am really working during the day. Not hiding in my home office perpetually on “away” status on IM.

I think I might be blowing that.

Let there be light

I made it to my u/s early today, and to be honest… sitting in that chair was a very different feeling compared to Friday. On Friday, my heart was thumping out of my chest and my feet shook like leaves as I sat in waiting in the u/s room.

Today I decided that whatever will be will be. When the nurse took my blood pressure and it was perfectly normal, she smiled and said….. “geez aren’t you nervous?????”

I was happy to see my favorite RE, and he seemed goofily happy too. As I assumed the stirrup position, (and he prepped the infamous dildo-cam) he started making a drumming sound with his voice. And then, in his perkiest tone, said “Drumroll please!”

I thought I was on a game show waiting to see if I won the million dollars.

But it was better.

One fetal pole, measuring just right. One sac and yolk sac, just right…

And then he told me to hold my breath for a moment so he could zero in on the heart. As I gasped in the room full of air we saw the most beautiful sight.

A healthy heartbeat of 122bpm.

Visually just stunning. I honest to goodness felt like I had an out of body experience.

I’m still pregnant, and by god there is a real live baby in there! Not a dead one. Not a wait and see if it looks better baby.

Today is a miraculous day.

It’s just one hurdle, but a BIG one for me.


I don’t know what to make of this morning’s u/s.

They saw one sac (they think just one… there was some question that they saw something else but then decided there’s just one), and a yolk sac. They couldn’t get a good angle because of my weirdly tipped uterus. So no visualization of the fetal pole.

I’m supposed to go back next Tuesday. I’ll be 6w3d then.

I don’t know, I am kind of at a loss. This not good news. In fact, I am really worried. How could my numbers be so good, and have such a shitty u/s?

I feel like crying.

Intestinal Fortitude

My tummy hurts.

I sound like my 4 year old, but it’s true. My stomach is not feeling good. In fact, it’s been doing topsy turvys for a week now. I thought it could be related to my current state, but as the days go by I am thinking it’s a stomach bug. Everytime I eat something, my stomach starts to gurgle and I make a quick stage left exit to the ladies room.

This is not suprising… hubby has noted that a few of his co-workers have had an intestinal virus of some sort, so no doubt I either picked it up through him, or, more likely, my son’s daycare. David rarely gets sick, but he’s become a master at being the “carrier” for all sorts of illnesses.

The school posts all recent “outbreaks” on the parents board at the entrance. Today, we have pink eye (a usual one), and whooping cough.

Is it no wonder that I try to touch NOTHING entering or leaving the building??? You try opening a hinged door with an elbow. I’ve mastered each doorway and stairwell. I also keep disinfectant wipes in my car, and wipe my hands down as I’m leaving. I suppose if there was an option for a Hazmat Shower at the door, I’d use that too.

Ok, question for the masses.

Who here watches “Jon and Kate Plus 8” on TLC? My son loves this show (S. does too…secretly). All I have to say is I can feel my blood pressure rising at the mere thought of having 8 kids under age 6 in one house. The sextuplet thing makes me break out in hives.

I also just realized that the family in the show lives relatively close to me. And I also wonder who her RE was (it had to have been local, right?). And, what meds she was on (it had to have been injectibles/iui, because I can’t imagine an RE would knowingly transfer 6 embryos via IVF. ) Did they ever talk about that on the show?

It just boggles the mind.

Well, back to work.

Two days to go.