on a wing and a prayer

Did I call it or what? Today’s u/s = inconclusive.

They saw a sac, with a tiny point that could be a fetal pole. Since I didn’t chart this last cycle, I don’t know when I ovulated (although I am guessing CD 15-17)… so it’s possible that it’s (say it with me) just too early……

So, back to the lab room for more blood, because if it doubled since last draw that would be a good thing.

And repeat u/s scheduled for Friday AM.

So I suppose the end to this story may come today if the bloodwork is poor, otherwise, I have to wait it out for another draw on Thursday and the Friday u/s.

I can’t help but get a bad vibe from this. The only good news is that this pregnancy is definitely intrauterine and not ectopic.

Why can’t it just be simple.


Must. stop. googling.

First of, thanks to all of you for your well wishes. I have had a lot of other sources of stress this week (other than the ongoing pregnancy saga), and it’s nice to come here for a little “uplifting” energy.

I am stressed, anxious, happy, worried, elated, and nervous. And, with some time, I can think of about 100 more adjectives to describe what I am feeling.

Outside of my blog readers, no one knows about all this commotion which is good and bad. With my past history of losses, I can’t even imagine when I will feel okay to talk about it. I long for the days when I was pregnant with David (in the first trimester) when I had no fear, and miscarriage was a word I was not familiar with. I just toodled along, dreaming of baby names and color combinations for the nursery. Innocent and unaware.

I guess Monday’s u/s will tell the tale, really. What can they see in a six week u/s anyway? I figure best case scenario is they see the two spots they are looking for (sac and fetal pole), and worst case they see just the sac, and schedule me for another u/s in a week because it’s still too early (a common phrase in the world of early u/s).

I would have felt better if they just said, “hey, let’s just wait one more week”, (7 weeks) and then we will know the ending or beginning to this tale with clarity.

So now I move on from one thing, to obsess about another.

Today, I am taking a break from Google.

I will not Google.
I will not Google.
I will not Google.

Sometimes it’s better to be blissfully unaware.

And in news unrelated to fertility… :)

The current situation has been taking up a lot of brain and blog space. This weekend was pretty relaxing, consisting of a lot of doing “nothing”.

Which is nice.

I putzed around my Target store, bought a couple of needless items that were on the dollar rack. (is it me this year or was the Target Summer ‘seasonal’ section underwhelming?)

I also took the opportunity to go to the Coach store for the VIP event, and I got a new purse (and wallet) 25% off!
You can’t beat that with a stick.

I am going on record to say that this summer is going to be crazy. I have a bazillion social commimtments (something going on each Sat. or Sun.) every weekend through the end of August. The thing that bums me out is there always seems to be conflicts. So although it’s nice to be social, it sucks when you RSVP to something and then get another invite for the same day. I hate to miss out on people and fun.

And on the fertility front, my pregnant self is still here. I went for another beta this morning, and am feeling less stressed about the results.

It will be or it won’t… worrying won’t make it better.

So, I’ll be back later today with news. Good or bad.