Latte Rehab has its perks

Now that David catches the bus for school (and I’m not driving him 12 miles each way to daycare) I have extra time on my hands.

I didn’t realize that my weekday commute to daycare chewed up a ton of time each day. I used to leave the house at 7:15am, and lucky if I got home by 8:15am.

Now I walk a block at 7:30am to the bus stop, and I’m sitting at my desk here in the home office by 7:40am.

Whatever will I do with the extra 50 minutes?? lol.

I’m saving some money as well. I used to fill up at the gas station once a week, and now who knows how far a tank will get me. I filled up last Sunday and my tank is still on FULL!

S. works about 7 miles from home, and he no longer has to drive out of this way for PM pickups at daycare either. That’s a lot of savings considering he has a gas guzzling pickup truck.

Sadly, I gave up my morning coffee. Four days a week I had been stopping at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts. Now I make my coffee at home mostly. I still treat myself on the weekends or an occasional afternoon. I figure I am saving about $80 a month just in coffee alone.

I could get used to this.

Of course, all the saved money will go towards the infertility debt, but something is better than nothing, right?

After that, I should institute a new PURSE fund. Now that’s what I call FUN.

Down the Rabbit Hole

So here I am.

The last week has been really, really… odd. First the world comes to a complete stop for a day, and then life goes on. Trouble is everything is upside down and right side up.

Caterpillar: Who… are… you?
Alice: Why, I hardly know, sir. I’ve changed so much since this morning, you see…
Caterpillar: No, I do not C, explain yourself.
Alice: I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, you see, because I’m not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: I can’t put it any more clearly, sir, because it isn’t clear to me.

Alice in Wonderland, yes, that’s me. Where nothing makes sense and everything makes perfect sense.

My son’s first days of school have been challenging for him and me. A new schedule, new people, new environment, and a little bit of tears. Tears from David, that is. I know it will take awhile for him to feel comfortable in his new world, but it’s a very odd emotion coming from him. He is usually the fearless one. The independent little man. The boy who n-e-v-e-r cries. To see tears in his eyes as he gets on the bus rattles me, because I’ve been there too. The unknown is scary sometimes.

Then there’s work. I’m still on my sabbatical, one week left to be a pretend stay-at-home mom. I am frantically knocking things off the to-do list as if the world ends next Tuesday when I return to work. Work has been on my mind. There is more responsibility on the horizon… and in order for me to keep moving forward I need to break out of my shell and move on to different challenges- some of them way out of my comfort zone, but what I need to do.

And, the baby-making business. The phone has not rung yet with advice from “the collective”, otherwise known as my four RE’s. I suppose I can beat them to the punch and schedule a consult. They had their meeting, and I’m sure that there was a universal head-scratching when discussing my chart. My chart which now looks like two reams of paper. Rampant with words like, “Habitual Aborter without Current Pregnancy”, and “Female Infertility with Unspecified Origin”. I’ve had wild thoughts of just letting it all go, and never stepping foot in the RE’s office, but who am I kidding?

I also have my International Adoption paperwork stack off the side of my desk. I fear to look into it again, because the pang of the unknown is there, but I know that once I flip that switch I will be headlong into another venture. The difference being that there is a beginning, middle, and end. The problem is the middle. It is so vast in terms of time. And time is dwindling, no doubt about that.

I cleaned my closet today. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders after I hung up the last hanger and drove the clothes to Goodwill. I ignored the old baby stuff in the corner. I pondered tossing them in the dumpster, but even that was too much brain space to occupy even for another second.

Maybe next week will feel a little different.

Alice: Well, when one’s lost, I suppose it’s good advice to stay where you are until someone finds you. But who’d ever think to look for me here?

The First Day

Today was David’s first day of Kindergarten.

It started off great. He had his backpack and was ready to go:

He was excited to get on the bus.

I hopped in the car and drove to school, to meet his bus and partake in the Kindergarten Parenting Tradition of pictures in the gym.

He had that weary look on his face, with all of the parents buzzing around and the commotion, but with a kiss on the forehead he was off to his classroom.

A couple parents and myself stalked in the hallway, and as I zoomed in out of sight with my camera, I saw him crying silently at his desk, with his hands over his eyes. Not a day in the last four years of daycare, preschool, and pre-K, did David ever cry at school.

It broke my heart, and I wanted to reach out to him but I knew I shouldn’t. As the teachers sat the kids at their seats, the assistant whispered something to David and he seemed to come around.

I lurked in the hallway until the principal encouraged us (gently) to leave. Three moms and I walked out with tears in our eyes.

I’m sure he’s fine, and it was a case of the nerves getting the best of him… being in a new environment around new people. I remember my first day of school, and what a mixture of emotions. Happy, sad, scared, excited.

But after the events of the last few days it was a lot of tears shed from my end… all the way driving home, and salty tears hitting the keyboard as I type this.

My baby is a big boy now.

Wardrobe Reflections

Today was uniform purchase day at the school David will be attending next month.

It was a zoo. Clothes flying everywhere. Adults making fools of themselves being impatient and rude.

It was pretty unorganized, so I made the best of a bad situation and found a young girl to help me. She was nice enough to walk us though every oxford shirt, tie, and gym short.

I am so GLAD David will be wearing a uniform. Totally takes the pressure off buying school clothes.

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Nothing new in the IVF realm. RE upped my dose yesterday to stimulate some better growth. Next scan is tomorrow. Pray for lots of follicles please.

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Oh, and speaking of Kindergarten, check out my latest NJ Moms post. The meds are making me reflective, crazy, and weepy. Par for the course.