Swan Song


I spoke to the nurse this morning, and my clinic does a patient review each week so that all four of the RE’s can make suggestions for next steps. My file will be reviewed on Friday and I’ll have a consult sometime in the next two weeks with a lot of feedback.

I already know that this was the last cycle for my own eggs. Even if they advise that we can try another fresh cycle, I only have insurance for one more… and it won’t be wasted on me.

S. and I are prepared to move on with donor eggs and/or adoption.

Thank you all for your support along the way. I hope you will stick by me as I venture into the unknown again.

This time hopefully with a different result.

9dp3dt: 2 Days to Beta

I was exhausted last night. We were all in bed by 8pm.

About 11pm I woke up from a dead sleep, and was so uncomfortably hot I couldn’t bear to toss and turn and possibly wake up hubby. So I ventured downstairs and watched CNN and some late-night TV.

By midnight I had talked myself into totally being pregnant. By 12:15am, I talked myself out of it. And before I walked back upstairs at 1am, I had vacillated between the two at least 5 times.

The good news is my stomach issues are a little better from yesterday.

I had a brief moment this morning when I almost reached for the HPT, but that passed. I’m finding that not knowing is probably the best thing for me right now.

Sunday is my nephew’s birthday party, so that should keep me occupied from obsessing. If I make it to tomorrow without testing, I know I can make it to Monday.

One way or another.


I’m on the fence.

I really am not feeling it. I think the progesterone is playing tricks with my mind. Also, to add to the uncertainty, the last three days I’ve had some sort of intestinal upset which has completely attempted to derail symptom watch. I’ve been drinking a ton of water to keep myself hydrated. My stomach is churning, and not in a good way.

My gut tells me I am not pregnant. I’m not testing, I just don’t feel like it at this point.

I am trying to hold onto Hope, but I am afraid I am hanging on by the tips of my fingers.

Don’t touch my remote!

Being at home for the month has been interesting so far. Since I’ve been taking it easy for the last week or two, I’ve had the opportunity to be a couch potato.

Not since college have I actually watched daytime TV. Really. I just don’t turn on the TV during the day, even working from home.

I have to say that now that I have partaken in some TV watching, I’ve come to the conclusion that daytime TV is a joke.

“Maury”, for instance. It is illogical to watch show after show on one subject: “Who’s the Father?” These girls and boys need a reality check (or a stern slap across the face). Yesterday, I saw an episode that featured one young girl and THREE potential fathers. You guessed it, none were the father in the end. I don’t know whether to lecture the television regarding safe sex, or take an ax to it. Angers me to no end.

And let’s not forget the lovely “I’m having a baby” shows on those other channels. Today, a woman and a man ponder life with twins. Queue in the narrator, “Ann and John were expecting one boy and one girl, but to their surprise they had two boys upon delivery”. New Mom says, (and I am paraphrasing here) “I was so surprised, but then I was worried and a little upset I had so many girl clothes and decor…. I really had my heart set on one of each…”

Ummmmm, Ann? How about being happy you gave birth to TWO healthy babies with beating hearts?
Geeeeeeez…. are you kidding me????

Probably the one show I found palatable was a show I saw on the Dis.cover.y Health Channel that documented the pregnancy of a woman who, after 6 years of infertility, got pregnant via IVF with…. sextuplets (3 embies put in, two split to identicals, all took). I found it moving, especially when she got to 20 weeks and discovered two had passed away (she eventually gave birth to quads). Poor girl’s ultrasound was being filmed, and on camera she found out two of her babies died. Broke my heart.

But what truly took the cake was a show titled, “Half Man, Half T.ree”. No, I am not kidding. The dude had tree limbs growing on his hands and feet. Not making that up. I was speechless on that one.

If I were a smart woman, I guess I would have had my IVF scheduled during the new Fall season. At least I wouldn’t have to view reruns.

Instead, I revert to my favorite TV channel… CNN. Especially interesting this week with the Democratic Convention. ‘Cause I’m all geeky like that….

Maybe I’ll turn off the TV for the next few days. I’m worn out.