How much?

I just can’t seem to get my head together.

I’d blame it on the heat wave, but sitting in my air-conditioned home office I haven’t spent much time outside to blame heat exhaustion (although I almost fell over weeding my flower beds yesterday).

I am working. Work is good. It completely removes all thoughts about bills, insurance, failure, and the fact that I am entering year five of infertility hell.

I know it’s a sick thought, but if this last DE cycle tanked from end to end (and I had no frozen embryos) I could begin to move on. I would do so with lots of therapy and foot stomping, but I know I would at least…. move.

But the reality is that I spent thousands of dollars and mortgaged my home for this, and I can’t just let the frosties sit there. I am afraid if I take a break I might give up.

See? I told you I was sick.

So, I haven’t even paid the bills from last month, and now I am embarking on more. The bad news, no more sucky-but-covered-a-little-of-my-bills insurance. Everything is 100% on me from here on out, so I placed a call last week to the billing person at the clinic to send me a quote for an FET. Quickest response I ever got from a billing person. I had it in writing two days later in my mailbox.


Of course, it pales in comparison to the fresh cycle. But honestly, when you add the monitoring (minimal) and drugs (which I *thought* I could get covered, until I realized that I can only get anything paid that doesn’t need authorization which is like such a small portion of the total amount) it isn’t the cheapest venture in town.

And once again, I am soon to be back on a “calendar”. This makes me angry and sad at the same time.

Curiously, I am not excited to start this at all. I am hoping to sleepwalk though this entire FET.

I know…

what the hell is wrong with me???

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Who me? Stressed?

I am practicing to keep myself in a state of zen, but as with most things in life there always is something that goes wrong, right?

My RE ordered up the meds for myself and the donor earlier this week. My meds, no problem. The donor’s… should have been no problem.

BUT take the climate we are in economically… where you know damn well everyone is all about keeping their money safe and sound… and guess the fallout and trickle down effect on you and me??

So, the specialty pharmacy gets the donor’s order and sees that it is for an egg donor so the first thing they do is test my coverage to see if it works. It does.

Then, they call me and (BECAUSE the REST of the free world is f’d up), they say OUR NEW POLICY is we need a LETTER from my employer or the medical insurance provider to CONFIRM COVERAGE I obviously HAVE!

It must be on letterhead and include all my personal info and a drop of blood. Ok, I made up the blood part.

THEN, this pharmacy tries to strong-arm me to PAY them $3,800 for meds in cash telling me it’s easier for me to pay now and reimburse later.

Duh, all because they are risk-averse. Give me a break. That ain’t gonna happen.

You can imagine my disgust. And you can also image that it’s impossible to procure such a document from an insurance company that has Stepford Customer Service Representatives working for it. Even hard to get from my employer, which I should remind you is crazy huge and filled with red tape.

Trust me, I spent a collective 8 hours already talking to about 20 people.

So I tell my RE “STOP the Insanity!” for goodness sakes, shop the script elsewhere, and don’t call me until you find a specialty pharmacy that is more concerned about the patient rather than “CYA” and money.


So it’s not resolved yet. I have a monster of a Lupron headache, and I am half thinking I should have continued the acupuncture for stress relief.

Update: Starting to flip my lid… Two other pharmacies, one won’t touch it, the other same story. Apparently a specialty pharmacy uprising has begun on DE policies, I guess.
What the hell? Am I the first person with insurance to order donor meds?? This is looking more bleak by the nanosecond.