If you knew me IRL outside of this blog, and someone asked you what kind of person I am, you would likely say that Shelli is a positive person. Anytime I am met with road blocks or negativity, I find a way around it and end up usually smiling in the end.
I’ve always been a person that embraces the concept of karma and if I put positive energy out into the world, positive energy will come back tenfold. This is the rule I live by, and for 39 years, it served me well.
If you are a regular reader, you’ll remember I proclaimed 2006 “the bad luck” year. I started 2007 with hope abound. I think I actually said 2007 would be “my” year. Of course, looking back 2007 is turning out to be the most challenging year I have ever had thus far. In my personal life, my work life, my relationships, finances.
So, I slipped into a somewhat negative state in the last couple months. I admit it. I’ve been that person I used to hate most…. playing the tiny violin…. shouting at the Gods, “why meeeeeeee?”….
EXPECTING bad luck.
So what has happened since? More bad luck. It’s as if the golden touch I once had is now turning everything to dust.
I said to S. about a month ago, I want to have a new front door installed. The door (builders grade from 7 years ago) is warped. I want to redo our master bath…. the shower and sink are already cracked (again, shitty builders grade materials). I want to landscape the patio we installed 4 years ago. So many home improvements, and no money to do them.
Then, the unexpected medical bills are starting to pile up from my infertility drama and the 16 or so ultrasounds, three surgeries, and endless lab work.
I joked with S. about two weeks ago, saying everything will probably start to break now… the appliances for instance. Again, we have cheap new builders grade appliances, and at 7 years of age, they are starting to wear.
So last night, I prepare a fancy chicken breast dinner. I preheat the oven. I beat out the chicken breasts, and lovingly made a handmade sauce. I put the chicken in the oven. I made a fresh cauliflower casserole. I put that in the oven. Set the timer for 35 minutes.
Timer goes off, oven is cold. So I end up throwing the chicken on the grill and decide to nuke the cauliflower. Micro doesn’t work.
yeah, that figures.
I cry to hubby… and he gets frustrated. We don’t want to buy new appliances yet, so we call appliance repair guy. I figure if the cost comes to more than 250-300 dollars, I’ll have to just suck it up and buy a new stove and microwave.
Work has been unbearable. I actually considered talking to my manager about a leave of absence. I have been telling myself that work will resolve itself, that it will get better. I am frustrated, feeling ineffective. Taking my personal stress out of the equation, I am realizing that I hate my role at work. Even if life was rosy, work would still be dragging me down like an anchor.
It’s like the world is sending me a message. What is the message? Is there a message?
Every day I try to focus on the positive, but I swear I am currently a magnet for misfortune.
And I don’t like it.
It’s just not me.