Proof my life revolves around Infertility and Handbags

I’m not one for blog statistics, but once in awhile I dig in to see how people have happened upon this blog.

I call it the Keyword Boredom Buster. Last time I posted about this I focused on some of the serious/heartbreaking search terms, so this is the more lighthearted version.

“is a 5 day transfer a good thing?” well, sure, if it works!

“jack sparrow pregnancy” oooh, is this the new twist for the next Pirates of the Caribbean installment? Something tells me this is stretching Johnny Depp’s acting range. No- a pregnant male pirate is not an image I want in my head. But thanks for putting it there.

“fortune for getting pregnant” well, I can tell you it hasn’t appeared in any of my fortune cookies, but if it does, I’ll let you know.

“i’m infertile and I hate celebrities” yeah, me too.

“help, I’m trapped in a zoo” I hope you’re not in the lions den. Good luck with that.

“cheap handbag looks expensive” You are KILLING me! This just does not exist. It DOES Not.

“is ringing in my ear sensing danger” Are you on my favorite show, Heroes?? …either that or you have an ear infection. I’m betting ear infection.

“only infertiles are intelligent” I like you.

“is transfer implantation” I hope you are someone googling this because you are intrigued by the media’s apparent lack of intelligence in that they simply CANNOT get the terminology right (especially with regards to recent events in the news). You TRANSFER embryos, not IMPLANT them. Using the word “implant” implies that people that undergo IVF should SUCCEED, and we ALL know how untrue that is. Oh hell, I just stepped onto my soapbox. Stepping down now.

“I love coffee more than husband” Disturbing and truthful.

“I’m stored in the closet” Hopefully, you have some nice handbags to look at. Is it dark in there? Wait, are YOU a handbag?

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Fun with Fortune Cookies: Part Two

You might remember this post from long ago when I looked for magic in a fortune cookie.

Consider this the second installment, but much less magical.


Think about it (go ahead, I’ll wait…)

Let me say one thing first before we explore the meaning of fortunes. Fortunes are supposed to be HOPEFUL, LUCKY, UPLIFTING.

So I put some real thought to this.

Ok, trees can’t touch the sky….

Is this just a statement of fact?

Or rather, trees can’t ever reach the sky, thereby never achieving their personal “tree” goals? Do trees have a goal?

ok, trees are people then (those Germans love their analogies, I should know… I am one).

People can’t touch the sky. Physically, sure.

Is this supposed to represent dreams/goals PEOPLE can achieve?

Wait, this is seriously turning into a downer. Is this fortune telling me “don’t bother reaching for the stars, because, HA! you’ll never get there!?”

Oh for pete’s sake. What a freakin’ buzzkill.

Perhaps the economic downturn has affected the “fortune cookie writers”? I sense a very pissed off employee.

This “fortune” is no fortune at all.

I need a new Chinese restaurant.

Seeing clearly

You all have picked up on my emerging positive attitude, but the funny thing is it’s really just me being more like the me I usually am, instead of the bitter infertile I’ve been shaped into over the years.

I read somewhere recently (maybe one of your blogs, so remind me if this sounds familiar) that if you really look for something you will find it. I’m not talking about the ring that slipped off your finger at the beach, or the cheesecake recipe you misplaced in the kitchen…

Say you wanted to see a rainbow… logic says the best time to “find” one is after a storm, when the rain clears and the sun appears. That happens a lot no matter where you live geographically, but how many times to you NOTICE it? Probably just on chance, as I did last week when I opened the sliding door in my family room to rescue a plant that had fallen over from the wind. When I looked up, there it was. A beautiful rainbow. That could have happened many times before, but I never looked up…. therefore I never saw it.

But if you were on a mission to find a rainbow, you would look up every time you had the chance wouldn’t you? And eventually, you would find it. In fact, I bet you’d find a bunch of them.

The thing about infertility is the ability for it to be a point to point journey that turns into (for some of us) a long ride. A failed cycle is so short in the grand scheme of things, but put all the failed cycles, testing, losses, and breaks together and many of us miss entire years of our existence. Never seeing a rainbow, because we haven’t bothered to look. Too tired from the exhaustion, disappointment, and loss to ever bother looking up.

Shuffling through our daily lives just getting to the next cycle and missing…. everything.

This thought was reinforced to me in a conversation I had with my husband over the weekend. It was late Saturday night, and S. decided to enjoy the evening and sit out on the patio to relax with his iPod. I should have been out there with him, but instead I was sitting on the recliner (inside) watching a ridiculous and BAD movie. Half falling asleep.

Just then S. opens the door and says…. “I think I just saw TWO shooting stars!”

Me: “Get out! What did they look like?”

Him: “Shooting stars!” (….DUH)

Me: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a shooting star….”

Him: “Maybe you just aren’t looking for them.”

…touché, my dear.

It’s just like my S. to come up with something so profound and not know it.

Seems that in addition to thinking positively for this upcoming IVF cycle, I should also start looking for rainbows, because, who knows….I just might find one.

Fortune Telling

When I was a young girl, I was fascinated by psychics.

Not fortune tellers, tarot card readers, and the 98% of people making a living calling themselves “psychic” (and aren’t by any stretch of the imagination). We are talking the real deal.

Looking back I understand why I was so interested at such a young age, and that is a story for another time. Or another blog for that matter.

Anyway, I personally knew two really outstanding psychics. I started visiting them on a whim when I first went to college.

The interesting thing about these two people was that they didn’t charge an arm and a leg. Also you could tape the conversations. I was both a skeptic and a believer, and over time I became more impressed at the specific accuracy of their readings.

I saved some of those conversations. And listened to one recently (I hadn’t in maybe 15 years or so). If you want a serious trip, listen to yourself on a tape from when you were 19 years old. lol.

Anyway, my favorite was Mr. Dee. He was an older man who lived in Northeast Philadelphia who was known for being the “real deal”.

I think of Mr. Dee often, let me tell you why. He predicted every major life event I’ve had this far. Every. One.

Oh, sure. You’re thinking. He probably just threw some general things at you that could happen to anyone. He researched you before you came for the reading. Psychics are just making things up as they go along.

When I visited him the first time I spoke to his assistant, and she took my first name only, and my telephone number. I was a student at the time, and gave him my dorm hall number. (No such thing as cell phones back then). No one even knew about the internet either, so Googling me was out of the question too. I had to wait 4 months for my appointment. And I was pretty intimidated when I got to his office.

He asked me to sit down, but not to speak. When it was time for my reading he asked me to extend my hand for a moment, and he touched the top. Then he sat back, sighed, and asked me if I wanted to know only positive or negative events.

I said both. His readings were free-flow. He would talk for about 25 minutes about anything that came to his mind, and then he would allow questions.

He caught my attention right off the bat when he easily recited the names of my family members, living and dead. Not initials, names…. occupations, and health issues. He warned me of my Grandmothers heart condition, and knew my Grandfather had died from a massive heart attack at the age of 59. He knew my Dad was a business owner, he knew I had one brother named after my Dad.

I was immediately blown away, and nervous. How does he know all of this by JUST my first name and my status as a student?

He also connected with a memory I kept hidden from everyone. Something that happened to me that I told no one about. I was freaked out, stunned, and keenly aware that I have met someone who wasn’t bullshitting me.

Then he allowed me to ask questions. I had a paper with some notes, but that sort of went out the window in my stunned silence. So I went off the cuff, and these were a sampling of the questions, his answers, and my comments today:

Me: What kind of job will I have?
Mr. Dee: Computers. Your working life will always be around computers. You will fall into it, literally, and you will love it.
My comment today: it was 1987, and computer science wasn’t even a major in my college, I graduated with a degree in Marketing/Management and back then the only computer experience I had was the ONE required Lotus 1-2-3 for DOS class. I had no interest in computers. I got my first job in a software company (curiously, Lotus Development…. ironic, no???) after a one-year failed attempt in retail by answering an ad in the paper. The rest… history.

Me: When will I get married?
Mr. Dee: Late twenties. It is not the boy in your life right now. You will be surprised how far you search for someone right under your nose.
My comment today:Back then, I did not want to hear this. I was ‘in love’ with my boyfriend back then, and we had plans to marry someday. I forgot about that comment because I hated it. I married my husband S. at the age of 27. He was my neighbor I grew up with from the age of ten. Oddly, we didn’t date until I was 26.

Me: Will I have children, how many?
Mr. Dee: Much later in life. They will be all boys. Three.
My comment today: Well, you know where this is going. Call me crazy but I recall this ALL THE TIME especially with what’s going on now. I have to trust that Mr. Dee didn’t throw me a strike out. He’s been right about everything, how can this not be true??? I wish I knew then what I know now to qualify that statement better.

I have not visited a psychic since I was 26. I think the reason I stopped was because after meeting Mr. Dee, I felt he was as close to the real thing as I would ever get. And whatever skepticism I had was gone after meeting him. I wonder if he is still around?

So, how many of you have visited a psychic in your lifetime? Did you meet any believable ones? Or do you think this is all “hogwash”? Tell me your thoughts.