And I Thought Infertility was Bad

How I wish I was here to write about how great life has been lately, and how much I am looking forward to waking up each day with a smile on my face. A post to talk about all the exciting things I’ve been doing over the last month.

This will NOT be one of those posts.

You have been warned. This will be one of the few times I have ever whined on this blog (outside of talking about infertility).

proceed with caution…

So, immediately after we returned from our idyllic vacation S. got notice his work was officially dunzo.  Great timing indeed.

Now, if you are a reader over the last year… we knew this was coming. Sort of. It didn’t happen quite in the way we expected. He’s now in a new job that requires him to be away from home 13+ hours each day. And, NO, that doesn’t mean a shortened work week. And, yes, we will take a big financial hit. I would love to tell you the details, but out of respect for his privacy, let’s just say we are in deep doo-doo. In body and spirit.

I am acting like a petulant toddler, in that, I now basically am “single-mommying” it with the little guy. Which wouldn’t be so bad if I WASN’T WORKING my own FT job. And, by full-time I mean more than 60 hours a week.

That, while juggling David’s schedule too. Homework, soccer, karate. No more family dinners, and what breaks my heart the most? S. gets to spend about 45 minutes a day with David.

That’s it.

Last night we had one of those back to school meetings scheduled for 7pm.  When S. called me from the car at 6:45pm I knew it wouldn’t be good news. He was stuck in traffic, and would be late to the event.

My mind quickly went into overdrive, and within nano-seconds I was in full-blown tears, my carefully-applied make-up sliding down my face. Five minutes before I had to leave.

(Thank you Twitter friends for rescuing me last night).

Listen, I know a job is a job. And I know that many people do not have a job. But when I tell you I am THISCLOSE to wanting S. to walk out I am not kidding. He could take a lesser job and make money and be happy. He could be on unemployment. Even extreme circumstances sound good right now.

I can’t believe this is where my head is at right now.

I don’t even want to get into what I am feeling about my own job. I literally could just sob right into my keyboard and short out my laptop motherboard.

We were spoiled all these years. Now with employment taking the #1 place as the Top Source of Stress in the BagMomma House, I am wistful of the days of just wondering if I’d flunk another cycle around the secondary infertility wheel.


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The Downpour

Coming off of a stellar week, and when I say “stellar” I say that with the most sarcasm I can muster.

I’ve been sick since last Friday, with some sort of head cold/sinus infection. I can’t even describe the amount of pain I was in over the weekend. I can tell you that I seemed to have passed my cold to S., and David has been acting a little wonky, and wonky=sick is coming. This despite washing our hands until raw, and coating my house in a thin layer of Lysol and disinfectant.

Rule #1: You cannot STOP the germs.

On top of all of this, S. found out his job vanished last week. Poof! It’s a veritable Halloween nightmare. It’s almost comical, really- that partnered with the news I received recently that my own job is pretty much toast (the job will go by the holidays, along with my sanity) . So we know one job is gone for sure, we are just waiting for the pink slip. Possibly both.

I’m not going to lie. I am steps away from losing my mind. That being said, we are coping. I don’t know how, but we are. We have begun preparations for the hurricane of job loss. Around now, I would be starting a Christmas list. Not this year.

I’ve been diverting my attention with David activities. He has soccer 2x a week, and just started cub scouts (which he LOVES so far). Poor S. had to do both without me this past weekend. I was lounging in bed with a cold ice pack on my head and hyped up on caffeinated hot tea.

I should mention that a sinus infection + Lupron is a bad mix. So for my friends cycling, if you feel a sickness coming on RUN (don’t walk) to the doctor for antibiotics. Or suffer the worst headache you’ve EVER had.

I’m just sayin’…

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Miserable Monday

Today has just been one of those Mondays.

David returned to school from his Spring Break, and at 7:30am I sat down in my office to get productive. Well, the joke was on me. I couldn’t access my work network. Seems my company downloaded code (this is where I remind you I work for a technology company) that blew up my VPN network (which just means I can’t get into anything!)

Four hours later on the phone with my company’s tech support (I use that term loosely), I finally worked out the problem that chewed up half of my day. Once I logged in, it was as if the floodgates opened with problems.

Work is killing me again.

The only thing I like about it anymore is that I work from home. But recently, The Company (sounds so, Heroes…. doesn’t it?) took away the option for me to expense my cable and phone. It’s a squeeze play to get employees back into offices. Like I am sure that makes more sense to pay for REAL ESTATE instead of my $50 cable, but whatev…

Not only that but I’ve been busy documenting my job upon request of management.

Do you smell something fishy here?

On top of all of this, S. is about to lose his job. He works for The A.merican Aut.o Manu.facturer that is about to go under. His management was let go last week. We are counting the days.

I am terrified to lose both of our incomes.

My upbeat attitude went from WAY UP HERE to the bottom of the bucket now that the sh!t is hitting the fan. I hate to be worried, but it is all-consuming lately.

Did I mention I just got another bill from “deadbeat donor”? Was unexpected (I thought I paid to get her out of my head forever, but I was smacked with one more reminder of failure.)


Just one of those days.

I think we need a bigger boat

No worries, I haven’t been absent, just enjoying a long weekend.

Well, sorta.

The economy has been bringing me down. Waaaaay down. Add to it that it coincides with our future plans, and well… you get the idea.

I posted over at my other home, NJ Moms Blog about the latest casualty in the BagMomma house. It’s a small thing, but pretty much marks The End of Days around here.

Nope, it isn’t pretty. Kind of makes me feel completely insane that I am about to take out a very large loan for medical expenses.

Back tomorrow with fun stuff from the pumpkin patch. It’s not just for celebrities!

p.s. you do get the pun about the boat, right? Columbus Day? Jaws? I know it’s a fuzzy connection, just go with it.