A diagnosis and an emotional meltdown

Alopecia areata.

Well, that’s the diagnosis anyway.

I had another visit to the dermatologist and received another bucket of injections to the head. My hair is still falling out, although it is slowing down just a bit. Perhaps that is because 60% of my hair is gone.

Less to fall out, you know.

I am seeing some regrowth, thanks to the cortisone injections. Just very fine hairs, and very small, but some. When I pull what hair I have back into a hair clip my head looks like a bad stylist went psycho with scissors. Thankfully, most of the bald spots are on the sides and underside of the hair that I have, so when the hair on top of my head falls left or right, I look not as terrible.

BUT.

Something happened at my appointment that terrified me.

Mr. Dermatologist reviewed my health history, and said… “hmmmmmm… I see you have a long history of recurrent miscarriage and infertility. Are you still pursuing that?”

Then, a long pause and lump in my throat. “no, why?”

He continued to explain that alopecia is sometimes a manifestation of underlying autoimmune issues. “Well, if you had come to me with this issue when you were doing treatment, I would have referred you to a doctor for more specialized testing, beyond typical testing for recurrent miscarriage…. because, well, you never know….  I have seen this…”

He went on with an explanation, but all I heard from that point on was ringing in my ears and a feeling that my stomach had sunk to my feet.

I had some basic autoimmune and clotting testing done after my second miscarriage, but I had always wondered if I dug far enough. I only had the basic panel.   I was thisclose to referring my case on my own to a well-known doctor who works with this scenario after miscarriage #5.

And I always, always thought something was quirky with my immune system.

Weird illnesses.
Skin reactions.
Bad reactions to certain fertility drugs.
Curious reactions to anti-inflammatory drugs.
Pregnancies that progressed just so far and miscarriages that always ended with a normal tissue analysis. No chromosonal abnormalities. Normal. Normal. Normal.

But I had a baby once before!  Doctors surmising… just bad luck, BAD LUCK.

Ok, changed our mind…. bad EGGS. After all, you are over 40 now!

I asked my RE back then about immune issues, but was told it was improbable with one normal, live birth.

Improbable, but not impossible…

I was sent on my way from the dermatologist with a prescription for topical hair medicine and a diagnosis.

But now?

I think I just opened a new door I can’t shut.

And the answer?

It may just as well break me for good.

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5 thoughts on “A diagnosis and an emotional meltdown

  1. Shelli, I can only imagine the thoughts that are running through your head…and how many "what if's" this has brought up.Holding you close in my thoughts as you wrangle this information and try to wrap your head around it.((HUGS))

  2. Oh, Shelli. I'm so, so, sorry. So Sorry for it all – for the knowns, the unknowns, wish you'd knowns, and wish you didn't knows. My heart hurts for you. You know that I'm here abiding with you and holding your hand. xoxoxo

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