I did not intend to write a post about this… lord knows there are many and to be honest, I read only one. My friend Mel, posted today over at her blog and as I wrote my comment to her reaction I could feel all that sadness and rage washing over me again.

I’ve written maybe a half dozen posts over the years around 9/11, and my personal connection to all the madness.

I regularly visited NYC with work back then. Walked Lower Manhattan more times than I could count. Walked through the towers, rode the elevators, ate and slept at the Marriott, shopped Century 21, bought ibuprofen at Duane Reade and brushed my hand across the bull as I walked down to my favorite Starbucks near my office.

I cried for all the people that died that day, many whom I probably passed by dozens of times before not knowing it would be the last time.  Fortunate only because 9/11 was one day I was not there.

I never went back to Ground Zero. Never visited. Couldn’t bear to feel the ghosts of all of those strangers that died. Didn’t want to meet the sadness head-on. The total destruction of my innocence brought about by Osama Bin Laden.

I was on Twitter last night when the news broke. To be honest, it didn’t even occur to me that it was OBL that was the news. I thought maybe a giant meteor was headed toward Earth.

Yes, I’m a little overly-pessimistic.

I heard the official news via live video on my iPad as I was lying in bed. I turned off my iPad, rolled over and fell asleep, dreamless.  My reaction last night was almost non-existent.  Until I logged on the computer today.  There was that familiar sadness and rage.  This time, with a side of weirdness..  happy that someone is dead.

As I was making David breakfast I heard him ask, “Mommy, why is everyone so happy we killed that dead guy?”

I’m not quite sure where to even start. Or even if I should.