The last two weeks have been crazy. Sort of like being on a rollercoaster against your will. I love rollercoasters, but imagine being on one for 24 hours a day. Every time I catch my breath on the way up, I know the next steep drop is just seconds away. Then, my eyes closed, hands clenched…my head is screaming.. “no! no. no. no….argh, no!!”

Terrible analogy, I know, but the only way to describe my new job.

I feel like I bit off more than I can chew. I had a meltdown of epic proportions last week (yes, tears too) and the weeks events have left me reeling. I’ve awakened each day to a headache and heartache I can’t get rid of. I haven’t eaten. I feel drained.

And then the thought occured to me that, even though this is all new to me and I should probably give myself a break for being the newbie, there is something else going on here. Something that won’t get better with knowledge, training, and time.

Perhaps my need to a new role was less about needing a change in my current tasks and more about a lifestyle change.

I know, great time to realize this. But I guess this is how things go sometimes.

Truth be told, I won’t say I made a mistake, but I will say I probably gave lip service to how this could alter my ever-confusing work/life balance. Looking big picture, I’m realizing that I am in need of an even bigger change that will take me away from my 18 years invested in the corporate environment. I wish I could say I don’t have to work at all, but there’s bills to pay unfortunately. That doesn’t mean our dual-income family can’t be tweaked.

And we will be tweaking.

So I don’t want to divulge to much yet, but I am working with S. to devise a plan that will benefit our family and put a lid on the madness. Both S. and I have been in career turmoil for some time, and there’s a point when you lose sight of the forest through the trees. That’s where we are.

As much as I would like to think that the changes I’ve made thus far are for the better, there’s no harm in acknowledging possible mistakes and re-evaluating.

As usual, life is subject to change….

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5 thoughts on “Awakening

  1. I know exactly how you feel. Don't worry this is the adjustment period. As soon as you have a grasp of everything at your new job you'll feel more at ease. Also remember, nothing in life is a mistake, at least that's how I like to think. Good luck during this adjustment period and keep us posted.

  2. I'm sorry the transition has been rough. I will say that after being w/my prior company for 14 years, I was pretty miserable here for the first 6 months. I don't love it, I will never love a workplace like I loved my previous one, but it's gotten much better. Still, I totally get the lifestyle change, tweaking, etc. Quite often I find myself saying that life is just too short…Good luck to you as you navigate these new waters…you are in my thoughts…~Melissa

  3. I'm really looking forward to reading more about your tweaking. Self-directed change is some of the most positive and just sheer exciting stuff out there. But, it can also be really, really scary. I hope that you have many more moments of exciting than you do of scary.

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