Since we are swiftly approaching All Hallows Eve, it seems like an appropriate time to talk monsters.

of the green-eyed variety and my monster friend who takes up residence in my closet.

You remember him, right?

On, Internets, it’s been a trying month.

First the backache from hell (which is still lurking around), and my husband’s crappy job situation, and then… well, I’ll explain.

You all know I don’t blog about work, and there is a reason I don’t. Working for such a large international company has its perks, but the downside is everyone knows someone who works for THE Company, and then there’s that pesky little non-disclosure I sign every year that says I will not reveal myself on the Internet or social networking dissing THE Company.

Needing the income and all, I oblige.

But OH, how it is drama-filled. Let’s just say I turned down a major (for sure) promotion in my area for a POSSIBLE new job in another area of THE Company which at the time I had only just started interviewing for…. I didn’t even know (still don’t) if I have the new job… but the risk-taker in me said…

Oh, what the hell! Nothing like jumping into the unknown without a safety net! And now that I have jumped I feel equal parts exhilarated and scared that I burned a bridge I can never go back over.

Then that unruly monster appeared in my head a few nights ago, and said “ARE YOU F’ING crazy woman?? You just turned down a sure thing for a 50/50 shot!!?”

And I’ve been beating that monster back into that damn closet ever since.

I still can’t believe I summoned the bravery to do it, but I still think I did the right thing.. even if everyone else does not.

====================

Speaking of monsters, I have a sorta green-eyed rant about my dear celebrity co-infertile, Celine Dion.

I am happy she gave birth to her twins. I am happy she emerged on the other side with “her dream” after she went through so much.

HOWEVER.

I am a bit jealous and bitter. Why? Well, for the obvious reasons, but more so that MONEY played a major role in her “success”. She has bucks, LOTS of them, and she never once had to refinance her only home and drive her credit cards sky high to pay for infertility treatment.

So many of us have invested our entire savings in an endeavor that is a crap shoot, risking bankruptcy (and therefore often marriages and sanity) to achieve our dream.

Did I go to THE BEST clinic for my treatment? No, I couldn’t afford it.

Would I have kept going if I had unlimited funds? YES.

And that makes me sad. For me and for all of my sisters who, like me, had to give up treatment because of something as simple as a lack of funds.

Yes, Celine, you are VERY privileged.

====================

aaaah, the world is complicated.

Boo.