And I Thought Infertility was Bad

How I wish I was here to write about how great life has been lately, and how much I am looking forward to waking up each day with a smile on my face. A post to talk about all the exciting things I’ve been doing over the last month.

This will NOT be one of those posts.

You have been warned. This will be one of the few times I have ever whined on this blog (outside of talking about infertility).

proceed with caution…

So, immediately after we returned from our idyllic vacation S. got notice his work was officially dunzo.  Great timing indeed.

Now, if you are a reader over the last year… we knew this was coming. Sort of. It didn’t happen quite in the way we expected. He’s now in a new job that requires him to be away from home 13+ hours each day. And, NO, that doesn’t mean a shortened work week. And, yes, we will take a big financial hit. I would love to tell you the details, but out of respect for his privacy, let’s just say we are in deep doo-doo. In body and spirit.

I am acting like a petulant toddler, in that, I now basically am “single-mommying” it with the little guy. Which wouldn’t be so bad if I WASN’T WORKING my own FT job. And, by full-time I mean more than 60 hours a week.

That, while juggling David’s schedule too. Homework, soccer, karate. No more family dinners, and what breaks my heart the most? S. gets to spend about 45 minutes a day with David.

That’s it.

Last night we had one of those back to school meetings scheduled for 7pm.  When S. called me from the car at 6:45pm I knew it wouldn’t be good news. He was stuck in traffic, and would be late to the event.

My mind quickly went into overdrive, and within nano-seconds I was in full-blown tears, my carefully-applied make-up sliding down my face. Five minutes before I had to leave.

(Thank you Twitter friends for rescuing me last night).

Listen, I know a job is a job. And I know that many people do not have a job. But when I tell you I am THISCLOSE to wanting S. to walk out I am not kidding. He could take a lesser job and make money and be happy. He could be on unemployment. Even extreme circumstances sound good right now.

I can’t believe this is where my head is at right now.

I don’t even want to get into what I am feeling about my own job. I literally could just sob right into my keyboard and short out my laptop motherboard.

We were spoiled all these years. Now with employment taking the #1 place as the Top Source of Stress in the BagMomma House, I am wistful of the days of just wondering if I’d flunk another cycle around the secondary infertility wheel.


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6 thoughts on “And I Thought Infertility was Bad

  1. Not good at all. I know how hard it is to be mommy alone and all the feelings you may be feeling because he can't be home at dinner time. Even when my husband isn't 1000's of miles away, he did not always get to see the kids before bedtime, and we all hated it.

  2. Now your comment on FB makes sense. I've been so busy myself with my temp job that I haven't seen my daughter but for maybe an hour a day this past week, as I'm too tired to do anything but come home, washy up and go to bed…before SHE does.We are now realizing that while the money crunch, my time with the kids is so much more important. If you have debt, you'll have to figure a way to balance that time with the debt and THAT sucks.

  3. Thanks for the comment. Funny thing is you reminded me that I need to schedule my mammogram today AND I am years overdue to go back to the eye doctor. I'm out of contacts, but I'm so lazy I hardly ever bother to wear them anyway. Also, I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I hope they get better soon.

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