For the inquiring minds: I tested this morning. I stared back at nothing. Not even a whisper of a line.
Please, do not tell me it’s too early. It’s not.
So this is what it feels like to really fail at something. To exhaust every path, to endure every last available technology. To pump myself full of chemicals that have god knows what affect down the road.
Almost five years of misery. Five years of loss. Five years of chasing a dream only to come up empty.
Empty in mind, body, spirit, and finances.
No next step. No back up plan to the back up plan.
Just sadness, regret, and unbearable pain.