Going to the RE’s office has become a death march of sorts. I can hear the music in my head as I walk from the parking lot to the door.
♫Duh, duh, da-duh, duh da duh-duh-duh-duh da-duh…♫
The waiting room has changed over the years. I really now feel like I’ve morphed into the “Norm” (Cheers, anyone?) of my clinic. I walk in and get the twenty questions game from my favorite staff and nurses. The newbies in the waiting room have that look on their face, as if they are thinking “egads, I hope I’m not here long enough for that kind of entrance…”
For me, the waiting room is always a step away from the worst moments of my life. And the exam room is always a reminder of the failures. I don’t remember the zillion follie checks, just the ultrasounds where I got bad news. It is never a good day when you get bad news while you are spread-eagle on an exam table with the hootchie cam in place. It’s a worse day when you have to go to the “Consult Room” immediately after an u/s.
That’s where the monsters live…
I considered going to the “big-farther-away-office” to escape having to face that dreaded room I’ve grown to hate. But my new found devil-may-care attitude said, “screw it, let’s just get on with it.”
Check in hand for one complete FET cycle (ouch), consent forms ready, I went today for my suppression check.
All is well.
Dr. Nerd was present an accounted for. His usual geekiness was bearable when he exclaimed that we are “not done yet”. “You put your trust in me to put a baby in your arms, and I am not stopping until I do.”
Really doc? Because watch your words unless you plan on throwing a freebie DE cycle my way.
I guess this train has left the station (again). I’m not sure what I am feeling. Except to say the Lupron coursing through my body now gives me additional leverage to freak out and blame it on hormones once more.
No turning back now.
BagMomma 
Sending hugs and warm wishes your way…
I know that feeling of "here we go again" madness. Whenever the doctors or nurses feel uncomfortable, the joke about how large my file is. Not funny.Just remember, that past performance is NOT indicative of this cycle. I know how hard it is to believe it- but it has no bearing on today and this cycle. I'm pulling for you and will be here to cheer you on from the sidelines.
LOL at the response in your head about your doctor's proclaiming that he won't stop till he knocks you up. My response would have been similar. GOOD LUCK this cycle, I've got lots of stuff crossed for you.
ohhh, thinking of you!
First of all GOOD LUCK with this cycle and second of all thank you, for blogging through this hellish time and continuing to help me with your words of wisdom. Thinking of you, hoping for you, with you.
I hate that feeling of dread you get, when you haven't been to the RE in a couple weeks, months, and then you open the door and know that you're starting all over again because last time, it didn't work out.Best of luck to you on your FET.
I haven't commented much on your blog Shelli, but I have been keeping tabs on you. I wish you every bit of luck this cycle. You are in my thoughts.
Keep chugging train full speed ahead.
My comments have been sparse lately, but you are always on my mind. I hope that this is 'the' cycle for you. I'll never understand why you have had to go through so much, but I hope that it all ends (or begins.. however you want to look at it..) here.
((HUGS))Wishing, hoping, praying for you this cycle…
Oh Sweetie, so many people are wishing and hoping and praying for you. I remember when my doctor got "switched" mid cycle and the nurse patted my leg and said, " Don't worry, everyone he touches gets pregnant." I wanted to punch her right in her perky little nose.
Best of luck in this cycle – I do SO know what you mean about being the 'Norm"! That's me at our clinic – I'm sure they are desperate to get me knocked up just to get me out of there! Hopefully we'll both move on to the OB's office soon –
I am thinking of you SO much. I remember getting to that first name basis moment with my first clinic and it was bittersweet. seriously- you are on my mind and I am hoping like fracking crazy for you guys.xo