I just can’t seem to get my head together.
I’d blame it on the heat wave, but sitting in my air-conditioned home office I haven’t spent much time outside to blame heat exhaustion (although I almost fell over weeding my flower beds yesterday).
I am working. Work is good. It completely removes all thoughts about bills, insurance, failure, and the fact that I am entering year five of infertility hell.
I know it’s a sick thought, but if this last DE cycle tanked from end to end (and I had no frozen embryos) I could begin to move on. I would do so with lots of therapy and foot stomping, but I know I would at least…. move.
But the reality is that I spent thousands of dollars and mortgaged my home for this, and I can’t just let the frosties sit there. I am afraid if I take a break I might give up.
See? I told you I was sick.
So, I haven’t even paid the bills from last month, and now I am embarking on more. The bad news, no more sucky-but-covered-a-little-of-my-bills insurance. Everything is 100% on me from here on out, so I placed a call last week to the billing person at the clinic to send me a quote for an FET. Quickest response I ever got from a billing person. I had it in writing two days later in my mailbox.
Of course, it pales in comparison to the fresh cycle. But honestly, when you add the monitoring (minimal) and drugs (which I *thought* I could get covered, until I realized that I can only get anything paid that doesn’t need authorization which is like such a small portion of the total amount) it isn’t the cheapest venture in town.
And once again, I am soon to be back on a “calendar”. This makes me angry and sad at the same time.
Curiously, I am not excited to start this at all. I am hoping to sleepwalk though this entire FET.
what the hell is wrong with me???