I bet you hurriedly clicked over to this post thinking…
“OMG, has she tested yet??”
and the answer is NO.
To further disappoint my readers/friends/family and Peeveme, I’ve made a decision to not buy any pee sticks at all. I’m not even tempted.
Really.
Many of you have been commenting here and in e-mail saying how “disciplined” I am, and let me tell you… far from it. The operative word is FEAR.
That’s right folks, FEAR. I am too afraid to test. If you know my history, you might understand. Six pregnancies, five miscarriages. For me, a BFP is merely the first step in what I like to affectionately call the “Pregnancy Obstacle Course from Hell”, fraught with roadblocks, betas that look great but NOT!, and ultrasounds that feel like walking The Green Mile (for my Stephen King fans).
Symptoms? Yep, the are still here. Saturday was kind of a lull, but yesterday and today they are back. The trifecta: Cramping, low back pain, sore boo.bs
Strangely, if I weren’t on enough meds to choke a cow, I would say.. “Yep! This is it.” However I do know that progesterone can mock every pg symptom in the book.
I miss the days when I could get pregnant on my own… at least I knew when I was pregnant even before I reached for the pee stick. Yes, it’s the upside of being pregnant so many times. I know too much for my own damn good.
I will give you one nugget of info that weighs on my mind. The feelings and symptoms I have this time (as compared to the failed IVF attempt last summer) are completely different… even taking the meds into consideration. What it means? I don’t know.
Take from it what you will.
For my blogging friends that DO test before beta day, I salute you. You are a brave bunch.
I am a wuss.
BagMomma 
keeping everything crossed for you!!!!!!
The suspense is killing me, but I totally understand being afraid and that being enough to hold you back. After so mcuh disappointment, I never tested before 12 DPO, too ambiguous. I totally support your decision to hold off. That's not to say that I'm not *dying* with anticipation, but I can wait! Sending you lots of babydust, both of the singleton and twin variety! 😉
Good luck with your beta. The suspense is killing me ;-).
I am in the same mind frame as you! I had decided I would POAS… but now I don't know! BTW, you have an award waiting at my blog!
I can't blame you at all. I feel the same terror when I look at a HPT. I hate, hate, hate that for some of us out here, a positive HPT doesn't bring unbridled joy, only cautious optimism.Abiding here with you…and thinking nothing but positive thoughts!((HUGS))
I completely understand the fear portion. Each part of getting pregnant and staying pregnant brought a new fear to the table each week.Hoping the change of symptoms is a good sign!
You are not a wuss. Only reason I tested was because I somehow got too scared NOT to. I just couldn't face the blood test without some clue as to how it would turn out. Last cycle I didn't POAS at all, and was absolutely fine with that. Do whatever blows your hair back, darlin'! Thinking of you!
I think it's all about doing what you can live with. Testing makes me feel better. If it makes you fearful then screw it. Besides, I totally understand that, for you, getting pregnant has not been the main problem. It's staying pregnant…so a positive pee stick means less to you than it would for me with only one m/c. But then again…this is a donor cycle and it's a completely different thing than a cycle with one's own eggs. Plus with a 5 dt the wait is really short.
*pout*soooooo hoping that you broke down and tested to appease your internet fans. But I get it. I think everyone has their testing process- some find comfort in testing early & others don't.Regardless I am thinking of you & hoping like a mofo!!