You know the apocalypse is upon us when I say “Miley Cyrus” and “I cried” in the same sentence.
Are you ready?… I cannot stop crying when I hear that new song, “The Climb” from the overrated teen queen, Miley Cyrus.
You haven’t heard it?? I defy any infertile to hear the song and not feel the need to shed a tear or two. Or a hundred.
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb
Thank you Miley.
Speaking of celebrities (loosely), I also want to talk about Trista Sutter. Oh, you remember Trista, right? The Bachelorette that actually got married. I like her. She seems like a smart girl.
Anyway, let us dig deep into the BagMomma archives to a post I wrote several years ago, when Trista was talking about her two-year battle with infertility and how the Ov.Wa.tch. helped her get pregnant with her first child.
Then came child #2, soon after (wow, lucky dog!). And now, she’s gettin’ cozy with another company… (I hope she’s getting paid) but this time she’s AVOIDING pregnancy.
This got me to thinking. If you’ve battled infertility at all in your lifetime, and achieved your dream (whether it be 1, 2, or 10 children)… how comfortable would you be jumping into permanent birth control?
Does an infertile ever do that? Really???
I may be way off base, but I am thinking that anyone that’s been though a very hard time conceiving wouldn’t exactly be running to their OB/GYN to avoid pregnancy. I think I’d sooner jump bare-assed out of a plane with a poorly-packed parachute than do that. Maybe it’s because I am not done yet, and the thought of any woman willingly cutting off their reproductive ability is directly mocking me.
Joking of course. Ok, not really.
Look, I don’t disagree with it… I just find it…. odd.
If it were me making this decision (lol, like I EVER! will have to) I’d feel like I was playing with the devil. And the minute I really cut things off (so to speak) something would happen and I’d regret it. OR, the Gods (much in the same way they’ve been torturing me for all these years) would mock my smugness and impart bad juju to my family.
What say you, internet?
I know you all have got to have a lot of opinions on this.
Responsible family planning for infertile graduates, or the equivalent of 10 broken mirrors (70 years of bad luck)?
BagMomma 
Love it. Love that someone else out there saw the ridiculousness in crying over friggin miley cyrus…but also that the words ring true. thanks for directing me here 🙂 wishing you the best…I already see myself and my son in the stories of you and D…C.
Being a complete infertile and not just subfertile, I really relate to what you are saying. I would never consider birth control. Not that I think that miracle would ever happen, I believe I’ve gotten mine in another way, but I still believe in God. I would welcome any pregnancy that I could be blessed with, whenever or whatever. I definitely have a different view of this since struggling with IF. Before that time I’d been on birth control for five years. I understand both sides.
I’ve been thinking about your post for awhile. I can’t get it out of my head and not only because you quoted a Miley Cyrus song either. I did get my tubes tied for various reasons. I don’t think I’m strong enough to go through what we went through trying to conceive Zilla, plus the miscarriages PLUS my body hates me and I don’t do pregnancies well. I wish things were different, but I know it was the right choice for our family. Although, it still doesn’t cure the “what-ifs” that run through my head sometimes *sigh*
Wow – this is fascinating. I haven’t been very good at commenting anywhere lately, but I had to respond to this one. Until recently I would have felt the exact same way that you do about this. On the verge of giving birth to #2 at the ripe age of 39 1/2 and after an almost 4 year struggle with infertility, I’ve actually been thinking alot about such issues lately. For most of this pregnancy I’ve thought to myself that while chances are almost nil that I would conceive on my own in the future, I would love a 3rd child and that I certainly would not be using any birth control in the future. But, after being diagnosed with an incompetent cervix and spending 7 long weeks in the hospital away from my husband and daughter (and now on bedrest at home), and with the memory of a placental abruption and birth of my daughter at 32 weeks, I don’t think I’m willing to risk another pregnancy. Even though I know the chances of my getting pregnant on my own are pretty nil, it still tears my heart to think about willingly giving up any chance of having a 3rd biological child. But the thought of going through another pregnancy given my history terrifies me. I’m not sure what we’ll do, because I can’t take birth control pills and despite my terror, I’m not ready to have my tubes tied, so I’ll continue to be thinking about this for awhile.
Great comments so far from everyone. You guys have brought up some interesting thoughts. Yes, worth considering especially if overall health of the woman is involved. That’s a no brainer there as far as I am concerned. I don’t want to put my life in jeopardy.Yes, having had so many miscarriages also plays into the thought as well. Of course, me being in this camp, I think about it all the time. That too can become a health issue. I gave up on my own eggs for a reason, right?Onwards- lol. “lusty sex days”. What’s that??? tee hee. Oh lord, that’s another conversation isn’t it??
Being an older mom and having (in order) two kids, my stillborn son, a m/c at 9 weeks a year later, a stupid OB who didn't order a D&C until another 3 months of my fertility bled away, two years of IF testing, 4 failed IUIs, DH telling me he would not go through IVF at that point, and ending with a surprise pregnancy resulting in the 36w6d c-section delivery (due to breech presentation and lack of growth) of a healthy baby (once they got him breathing after his gulp of amnio fluid on the way out), I willingly had my tubes tied at the same time as my delivery. Finding out later that his lack of growth was due to the placenta starting to tear & break down, my decision was confirmed. But that was my decision. Like most of the IF world, I think everyone needs to find their comfort zone; it’s a personal and private choice.
that was the ONLY series of the bachlorette I watched and i loved it! And i loved Ryan from the begging and was soooooo happy when they got married, anyways…everyone in my life seems to think this is a good topic to approach me about! they ask soo what kinda birth control are you going to use after twinkle is born and I always laugh and say ya right. they roll their eyes and say, ohh you know that you can get pregnant really easy after a baby?? and i say it took 2 years to conceive this child, if i get knocked up when she is only 3 months old, praise the lord people! I will never go on birth control again! WASTE OF MONEY! haha
I guess I just don't get why she doesn't just throw out the watch? If that's all she needed to get preggo, then all she needs to do is get off track, right? We should all so lucky… lolI kind of agree with the last commenter. To add to our IF fun, an element of fear has been added to our sex life (and you know what a turn on that is!) because I'm terrified of getting pregnant on our own and having to do another D&C. I kind of see my own eggs as bad juju now, and I'd rather not get pregnant.Could be the case with this woman as well.And actually, this is making me think because I would *really* like to get back to our carefree, fun, lusty sex days at some point.
Hmm. We’ve thought about some type of birth control because although I seem to get pregnant, I usually readily m/c soon after. I’m getting tired of continual monthly charting O days, etc, and don’t want to do it for the next 20+ years (my mom entered menopause at 52yrs). WIth my MTHFR, I don’t bcp’s would be good, and we don’t like condoms. I would NEVER do anything permanent, though- not unless like Kathy said, there was a strong chance of uterine rupture… Thoughtful post…
That’s a really good questions Shelli and one I have thought about from time to time. I don’t know what we will do if and when we get to a point of feeling done and yet might still being in a position to potentially have more children (though unlikely on our own, present circumstances excluded). For one thing after all my uterus has been through, each time I deliver (via c-section) it is iffy if we will be given the okay to try again without fear of uterine rupture. So at some point, in some way the decision may be made for us. But like you, it is hard to imagine doing anything formally to prevent after all these years of desperately wanting another living child.That said, after all these years of trying and not knowing if and when we might ever have another living child (still not completely convinced we will even get that now), there might come a time when we will be ready to move on and experience our life without this aspect of it. We have so much stuff we have saved all these years “just in case” (maternity and transitional clothes, baby/todller clothes and related equipment/toys) that takes up so much room in our two bedroom home, that we may someday want to enjoy whatever we have at that point and literally move on. Okay, really babbling now, but it is a very good quesiton.P.S. Bob and I always joke that if and when we feel done, if we didn’t do something to prevent, with our luck we would be that couple to end up with a baby that is 10 or more plus years younger that its next oldest sibling (if I hadn’t gone through menopause at that point).