As soon as I typed the title to this post, I couldn’t get the damn song out of my head. Thank you Helen Reddy, wherever you are.
So, first off… thank you, internet friends and real life friends for coming to my aid yesterday. Some of you even called me at home and sent heartfelt e-mails, and for that I am thankful. I was bursting with the need to talk, and thank goodness I had the opportunity.
The donor was a dud. She has some major mental health issues in her family (and herself) and pretty much fabricated some of her health history. Leave it to me to pick that one, right?
After I stopping crying. , “Whhhhhy MEEEEEEE!” ala Nancy Kerrigan style, I came to my senses yesterday afternoon and called back my clinic.
The news in the morning was upsetting, but after another cup of coffee and some low-fat Ben and Jerry’s at 11am (frozen yogurt before noon???…sue me) I once again spoke to Nurse T., who, although at times is sort of an ice queen, really took the time to talk out our options. I thanked her for steering me far, far away from this donor, and looking out for my best interest.
So, back to the book this week. There’s been a flurry of additions since last December when I looked at it, so I am going to look at the in-house donors. Many of them are cycling now, and it’s possible I can piggyback on after another donor and not have to wait for the pre-requisite testing. Or, I can pick a new donor. Or I can pick from the agency.
So, if you read along in the comments yesterday, I talked about WHY my clinic does not pre-test off the bat. They are a smaller operation, and frankly, they found it costly to micro-manage all their donors before they get put on the list since many of the tests need to be timely, AND the fact most of the donors never get chosen. I appreciate the fact that they offer in-house at all. For one major reason…. MONEY. By choosing in-house, I am shaving off $5-6K in admin and donor compensation. They never discourage anyone going to the agency. They are just trying to keep the cost down to their patients.
The question boils down to time and money. Now that this donor is out, I am anticipating vacation in just over a month from now. And after this, HELL YEAH, I am going on vacation. So for me, again, time is not the issue. I am perfectly fine with my chosen donor doing her testing and ramp-up while I have my toes in warm sun and sand for 10 days.
For my pain and suffering, my clinic is waiving all pre-testing fees and halving their admin fee if I go in-house again. My choice.
So, there we are. I think I learned a very valuable lesson though this, and the way I choose the donor is going to have nothing to do with physical traits or age, and everything to do with life experience, proven fertility, and stability.
Here we go again. Hang on.
8 thoughts on “There’s got to be a morning after”
Phew. Really sorry this is happening … so so sucks. Vacation sounds like an excellent idea!
I’m a few days late here, but I’m sorry you are going through this and I’m here for you if you need to vent. I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason. I think you will find the perfect donor.
I went through the donor process from the other side and I can’t imagine lying or flubbing information to get into a program. Wow. SO glad you found out, but sucks ass about the timing. I hope the perfect match is on the books and ready and available when you are.((hugs))
Enjoy your vacation!!!! I’m glad you learned something, even though it totally sucks! I’m holding on for this cycle. Glad you have a wonderful support system.*HUGS*
I think this will all work out for the best in the end. Sounds like you dodged a bullet, so consider yourself lucky. Hope the second time around goes more smoothly.
I think you have your priorities straight on choosing the donor. Not that you didn’t the 1st time around. But I, too, may be a little more lenient should it not work. I was really, really picky and thought I’d found the ‘perfect’ donor. If this cycle is a bust, I will probably kick myself for that. However, she was 2x proven — so I figured that was most important and the rest of good gravy. Really good gravy in my case, but jesus… what will I think if it’s negative after making sure we chose a 2x proven???But enough about me, what do YOU think of me?I’m glad to hear you are going on vacation. And especially, that your clinic is stepping up to the plate and treating you fairly in this situation. Wishing you so much luck in finding the right one next time.
Glad they are being helpful at the clinic, I know it just sucks to have things delayed. But hopefully you will get SuperDonor this time, and she can be getting all prepped while you lay on a beach! Sounds great – good luck!
Shell, I’m so glad we had the chance to talk yesterday. I love the fact that share the same outlook on life, and can enjoy each other’s sense of humor. Now, put on those awesome sandals you posted about a few weeks ago, soak up some sun, and look forward. I’ll be there to listen and laugh along the way! Love ya, Emily