Oh, I feel so unproductive on the infertility front. Since the August let-down, I’ve not even been keeping track of my cycle. Seriously.
The last two arrivals of AF are a merely a circle on the calendar.
And having this mini-break really has been…….. well……….. surprisingly okay.
This month marks the first month of YEAR FOUR in my secondary infertility challenge. It almost seems comical some days. Something so easy for most, but decidedly hard for me.
So where are we on the donor egg cycle? Well, my current objective is securing the cash. The stock market has taken the wind out of my sails, as my rainy day savings bucket is tied up in investments all of which are tanking at the moment. I refuse to pull money out of there, so we are looking at some other methods.
I am calling today to schedule our psych evaluations. I want to get as much pre-work out of the way before the holidays. I owe a bloodtest, and S. owes another SA sample at the lab since he hasn’t had a full work-up since last November.
But among these things, I am also curiously lazy at the moment.
I haven’t looked at the donor profiles yet.
I guess the crux of it is, once I am invested, I am in it all the way. Which means another possibility of failure. I am so sick and tired of failing. But I am willing to jump in one more time, because I know that this really is the last attempt.
Remember when I referred to my last IVF cycle as my “Swan Song” for my old and broken eggs?
Well, if that was the swan song, this is………. the “Hail Mary”.
My RE is the quarterback, my donor is the football, and I am the wide receiver. We are on our own 10 yard line (90 yards from a touchdown and the WIN), and about to throw the longest pass in infertility history.
It will either be the miracle catch in the end zone, an incomplete, or a dropped pass.
Are you sick of my analogies yet?
Good. Because I have about 100 more over the next couple of months.
BagMomma 
I know what you mean. It’s taken me ages to get really into the adoption stuff because that makes it real, which means that if it all falls apart it really is over. It’s so hard to keep putting yourself out there over and over again. I really hope the ‘hail mary’ is your miracle.
I like your analogies! I’m tagging you! The rules are on my blog. Someone who stopped by via ICLW tagged me, so I figured I would pick some new blogs to tag as well.
Oi, I can just feel your exhaustion and really hope your journey comes to a quick resolution now!Hugs!xYvonne(ICLW)
Hi Shelli. I’m here from ICLW but I’ve definitely been to your blog before. I just read your “complete infertility rundown” (I think having a place where it’s all listed should be a pre-req of having a blog!) and I am so sorry for all the pain you have endured with RPL. I personally went through secondary if myself and it’s a whole different ballgame from ttc#1. Although for me, I had a touch of IF with my first, as it took 18 months, but my second came quickly. My third, on the other hand, wasn’t so easy. I went through 4 surgeries, 3 IUIs, countless medicated/monitored cycles, IVF and finally a FET. I know your story and journey is different than mine, but there is something to share in secondary IF that I really don’t think many understand until they are there. I wish you all the luck in your next steps and everything that is surrounding you to even get there. ~hugs~
LOVE analogies! (especailly sports ones)Sorry this is such a difficult hurdle to jump (see?)ICLW
We have been told DE is our only option due to my POF, but I still just want to try one IVF on my own. It takes a long time to be okay with DE, so I think you are right to take as much time as you need. Good luck!P.S. I so agree with your title! A good purse really does help sometimes :)ICLW.
Nothing wrong with being a little lazy now and then…especially when you are STC.Big Hugs to you, as you get ready to catch that ball!
Breaks are much needed! You’ll know when its time to pick things up again. Love the Music Meme, too. I was a three-inch high bang girl myself (class of 88, woot!)
ohhh i like football analogies!I can imagine you are feeling lazy, after 2 years of ttc I was a zombie ready to throw in the towel, just emotional and physically drained, so after 4 years! i can’t imagine how drained you are feeling. I hoping that your QB has stretched and practiced and that that football has like a propeler and that your hands are full of sticky sticky glue to catch that ball!!
I know how you feel. Once I’m in something I’m in it full force. So I procrastinate as well enjoying just a little time off before I go all out. Good luck this time around.ICLW
I think that are great analogies.I love the meme as well. It brought back many memories!
Keep ’em coming. You’re moving into unknown territory.. take as long as you need.
Yes! Once you start you have to be ALL IN and go full speed ahead…and it’s tiring. Take the time to catch your breath…enjoy the Fall. When you feel ready go for it. If you wanted to do something you could always do your test cycle (not too expensive or time consuming). BTU it does take the whole month so when you are ready to go full speed ahead you wont have to wait a month. I am really hoping that DE means no more disappointment. For the both of us.BTW abotu your comment on my blog. Perhaps you DO have a friend like that and just don’t know it. Until that moment I would have said I didn’t have a friend like that (other than people I have net via the internet)