Last month, you might have remembered a post where I talked about figuring out where to go from here… infertility-wise.
After a ton of soul-searching, we are pretty close to making some life-changing decisions.
I’ve realized something very important, or should I say “we” in that my husband is totally on-board with this too…
We don’t need another biological child to make our family whole. That being said, we agree on one big thing… being a family of three isn’t the end for us. Someone is still missing.
I’ve pretty much abandoned the idea of traipsing the U.S. looking for a new RE that can pinpoint the cause of my recurrent pregnancy loss. Sure, if I were wealthy, and had all the time in the world I might spend thousands of dollars to find “a reason”, but a reason does not necessarily equal a baby. And the most magical RE in the world can’t promise a baby.
After 5 miscarriages… let’s be honest… I am starting to bet against myself. Realistically, the chances of us having another pregnancy that works is pretty low.
I think our plan now with the RE is perhaps try one IVF (perhaps w/ PGD) for shits and giggles in June. If it doesn’t work, I can still pay the medical bills and call it a day.
MY BODY won’t be the focus anymore. I don’t want it to be. I have been on this road for three years and frankly, I am done. I know people who can ride the Infertility Rollercoaster for years upon years, but I know in my heart that I can’t do it anymore. This has ruled my life, my every moment. And it’s a freaking crime.
I want my life back, and by this summer I will.
So, the big news I guess… we are 99.9% ready to roll on adoption. As you know, I’ve been researching for a month now, and we are very close to choosing an agency. We decided to pursue international adoption…. Domestic is too much of a gamble and even that isn’t a “sure-thing”. We are tired of gambling money and emotions, and are quite fine with having to wait awhile, so long as there is a child at the end of the road.
We are considering the “waiting child” program… for those of you not familiar with what that is… it’s the program all agencies offer that includes children with mild to moderate special needs.
The goal is to complete our family, and I am starting to feel very confident that this is the path we are meant to take.
Remember when I talked about wishing someone would “send a sign” to let us know we are making the right decision?
Well, the signs have been coming fast and furious… and I can’t ignore them.