Randomness and Obsessive Tendencies

So I braved the below zero wind chill to enroll my son at the local Catholic school. There were a ton of people there. All us parents huddled in the gym sitting at the kid’s lunch tables looking like kids ourselves. Filling in the admissions applications with #2 pencils and then, standing in a single file line to hand in our manilla folders.
If you were a stranger peering in from the outside you would have thought the S.A.T. was going on. Dead silence.

The woman that took all my papers was nice enough. She made a few copies of some important documents, reviewed the papers, and was nice enough to let me attach a cover letter to the admissions form (my last ditch effort to make them see that we must. absolutely. have. to. be. accepted.)

So, I’ve done all I can and now we are in wait and see mode for the letter in the mail that determines the fate of David’s education. Fun, no? Kind of like getting accepted to college. Except the tuition is a little less. lol.

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In pg news, no news is good news I guess. I had a minor meltdown yesterday when I just KNEW my pregnancy was doomed.

I just can’t give myself a break. I was so obesessed with having/not having/having symptoms I was like a grenade ready to explode. Which now has proven my theory that I cannot enjoy a pregnancy no matter how good the signs are. These stupid miscarriages have robbed me of any sense of peacefulness.

Much like an addict, I guess.. I am always looking for the pregnancy “fix”, in this case my beta tomorrow and upcoming ultrasound. I just want someone to tell me things are going to be okay. Look into the crystal ball, and tell me what I want to hear.

That’s just not going to happen, so for now I am living day to day. Ok, maybe I fudged that a little. More like hour to hour.

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Today is hubby and I’s 13th Wedding Anniversary. 13 years. I just can’t believe how fast the time has gone. And everything we’ve been though…it’s still quite a wild ride. Still best friends. Love you sweetie….

5 thoughts on “Randomness and Obsessive Tendencies

  1. I’m so sorry that you are having so much anxiety around things. I know how hard those early days can be, living from appt to appt, u/s to u/s. I will just say that IMO, progesterone has been a huge indicator of viability and you are off the charts with that, girlfriend. Sending you lots of stick and grow vibes…One day at a time, one hour at a time…

  2. Did you make sure you included either “Blessings” or “May God Bless You” in your closing on the cover letter? It’s a must with a Catholic school.*kidding*Remember how I obsessed about symptoms? It’s crap when women say they just knew they were pregnant at 2wks post ovulation because their boobs were sore and darker and they were nauseous. That stuff all comes much later. I still am wearing my same bra from before. Yes, a miscarriage does indeed rob us of most of the joy. I am having a few more moments than I did before, but I still avoid the newborn section at the department stores. I’ll end up bringing home the baby naked…

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