Paranoia

You know that feeling you get when you imagine falling from a tall structure. You know it’s crazy to think it, but your heart leaps into your stomach and you feel like a thousand volts of energy has entered your body?

Yeah, it’s like that.

That is what early pregnancy will do to a normal sane person. You analyze every sensation, every feeling. You cheer on your sore boobs. You are frightened that you feel pregnant, and just as frightened when you don’t. How I wish I wasn’t so farking jaded.

I went for my follow-up beta this morning. My hand was shaking as I signed in at the desk.

I really do need to chill out.

But I know better of me.

So I am pretending to work, but not really working. Just waiting for that phone call that buys me a couple hours of happiness or the life-ending bullet.

Stay tuned.

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