Thank god this week is over. I can’t even put my finger on what’s been REALLY bad about this week, it’s just the overriding panic about everything that has gone wrong lately.

It’s catching up with me. I just can’t get my ass out of the rut I am in. I haven’t even switched over to my newest handbag I bought two weeks ago. It’s sitting in the bag, wrapped tenderly, saying “OPEN ME! You spent good money on me and I am the IT color for the Fall season, and FALL will be over before you know it!”

I’ve not been eating particularly well. I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee and soda. I have not exercised in three weeks. I have skated through every day of work in the last 4 months. I have washed and rewashed the same load of laundry all week because I can’t remember to put it in the dryer. I have an intense need to drown myself in chocolate, but I don’t have any.

I am the dog tied to the bumper of Chevy Chase’s moving car in the movie “Vacation”. Beat up and forgotten.

ok, bad analogy, sorry.

And let’s talk about yesterdays blood draw. Thanks to everyone WILLING that hCG number down, it did go down (again) to 12. No Metho yet. Crazy as it sounds, I am happy about that, although I know that zero may still be far off. I am still technically pregnant SINCE MAY. I may hold some sort of record I think.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record. Let me sum up the year: pregnancy in January, miscarriage in January. TTC in March, April. Pregnancy in May. Miscarriage in JULY. THREE MONTHS LATER.. still not near a new cycle.

Add it up folks… I’ve only had AF TWICE this year. And I wonder why I am crazy. It’s pent-up hormones. I feel like an android. I think my body forgot about me too.

If you live in NJ, and feel rumbling under you feet today…. it’s not an earthquake. It’s just me exploding from my nuclear meltdown.

I promise to get back to myself next week.

I just need more time here in the dumps.

Next visit to the vampire lab is Monday.

Gotta Snickers bar?