One step forward, two steps back

I didn’t blog about this last week because, frankly, my patience is starting to wear thin.

I had another beta last Wednesday, and it was 18 (down from 23 the previous week, and 30 before that). So, it’s going down, but not as fast enough as I would like.

I am approaching week 10 since the miscarriage, and I am just all out of steam with this topic.

I had another blood draw this morning. Its become a comical event when the staff at my RE’s office sees me. A mixed bag of joking about how unlucky I am and condolences for my f’d up situation.

I sat in the car this morning and cried. I haven’t cried like that since I found out in June that this would be my 4th loss.

Having miscarriage after miscarriage is hard enough. Being on the sidelines because my body won’t return to normal is just as bad.

Time is just tick, tick, ticking away.

I just want to move on.

Update: Today’s number is 15 😦 I spoke to the doctor, and since the number is trending down on a consistent basis (be it ever so slow) there will not be any sort of heroic measures to force it down faster (i.e. another d&c or meds). Time is all I have…. more on next steps (extra steps unfortunately) in another post.

6 thoughts on “One step forward, two steps back

  1. Mel sent me over too. I am so sorry for your loss and right there with you sister. I have had 4 m/c’s and the last one in particular was pure hell. I lost twins and one was tubal. It took 13 weeks (what should have been the beginning of my 2nd trimester) before my beta was low enough to not be “pg” anymore. That was after 2 doses of MTX shots. With a recent HSG the RE noted that I had some slight blockage in the tube where the baby had been. So, months later it looked like there was still some tissue left. Those weekly blood draws waiting to find out how low the number had gone were torture. I just wanted to be able to move on. I hope things progress more quickly for you and the nightmare ends soon.

  2. I found your blog through Lost & Found. I am so sorry about this slow decline and your 4 losses. With my first miscarriage in August 2005, it took 12 weeks for my beta to drop down low enough for AF to arrive. It was pure hell and torture. I hope you do not have to wait too much longer.

  3. D- thx for the off-blog conversation. I almost wish that there was something visual in the u/s. An empty uterus should be just that, empty!!It’s so tiring to be in the 1% minority for everything.

  4. Shelli, I don’t wish to slight your clinic, but why are they only “monitoring” the beta? Has there been an ultrasound? A beta of 30 really should have only taken a couple of days to drop to <5. I would be afraid that there would still be tissue of retained conception lingering and as awful as that all sounds, if it is, then it could impact negatively future attempts at pregnancy. I’m just really upset on your behalf at how this is being handled.

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