I went in for my follow-up after the Cytotec protocol last week, and as usual…. good news and not so good news. Good news is my 7.5w gestational sac has finally given up it’s grip (who knew my uterus would be as stubborn as me). Most of tissue is gone, with a small amount still hanging around to mock me on the u/s.

Dr. V was on vacation (hopefully somewhere nice) so Nurse S did the u/s. I mentioned Dr. V called me yesterday at home, twice, over the last week…and she was surprised. But then she said Dr. V is a very concerned doctor, and how nice that he called me from vacation to check up on me. I guess that is very nice, and much different from my last doctor.

To which I was thinking, geez, maybe he’s being super attentive because he is praying that this miscarriage is over and done with because I’ve been a PIA patient. Not by my own fault. It just seems so odd that for a person that can’t stay pregnant, that it takes so frickin’ long to become un-pregnant (not a word, but you get the idea).

So, they want to see me back for… u/s #15-16? sigh, there’s been so many….. next Tuesday.

The good news is Dr. V will be back from vacation and I suppose we will get into the details of what happens next. He wants to jump right to injectables, but I am still hung up on wanting to know WHY I am having these miscarriages.

I have questions…. lots of them. I’ve been reading up on recurrent miscarriage and I would just feel better if he went over all my bloodwork again to see if there’s anything we missed. I feel like something HAS to be wrong. How could I have had no problems conceiving David 4 years ago and now be in the mess I am in?

I am in need of a plan. A serious plan.

But I also know that I may never know all the answers.

And, to a Type A personality like mine, this is the cruelest truth of all. I may never know.