Did you hear that?

That’s the old Shelli coming back in the room. Bitter and angry Shelli is gone for now.

For the first time since Friday I laughed.

I had a conversation with my bestest bud in the world (Steph, are you reading my blog today????) I can always count on her to make me laugh even in the darkest moments (and there’s been a few in the last 20 years). Thanks to you, my friend for always bringing me a good dose of reality and sunlight.

Well, S. went with me this morning to reconfirmation u/s #5 (I can’t wait to get the medical bills on this last episode). Saw Dr. P’s other partner, Dr. V. Dr. V delivered the bad news again, but it didn’t register the same amount of angst and sorrow it did on Friday. It was now just something to be done before surgery day.

He surprised us by not showing us the door after the scan, but asked S. and I to meet him in the consult room. So we did, and to my surprise I found him to be very informative. We talked about the surgery… obviously (no point in not responding to the elephant in the room), and then we talked about the future.

It’s interesting to get one doctor’s view and then another. Dr. V had never met me before today, but he took the time to read my whole history, ask questions and then he said the words I’ve been wanting to hear… “If you are ready to move on after this, I am ready to get aggressive in your treatment… the faster we get you pregnant, the faster we can get to you to your goal”.

And before even blinking an eye, S. and I said in unison…. “We’re ready”.

So after feeling like the world was ending, and questioning whether I am even on the right path, our WILL to have another baby seems unending. As long as the will remains, we will follow this as far as we can.

S. and I decided last night before we even walked into the office today that our journey is not over by a long shot.

So, I am counting the hours to 7am Thursday to put this particular pregnancy in the history books. Ready to move on, because that’s all I want to do.

I left the RE’s office, and to my surprise, the new Starbucks just opened down the street. I drove there and ordered a Venti Non-Fat Latte with a double shot of java.

Caffeine to cure the soul.

It tasted fabulous.