First of, thanks to all of you for your well wishes. I have had a lot of other sources of stress this week (other than the ongoing pregnancy saga), and it’s nice to come here for a little “uplifting” energy.

I am stressed, anxious, happy, worried, elated, and nervous. And, with some time, I can think of about 100 more adjectives to describe what I am feeling.

Outside of my blog readers, no one knows about all this commotion which is good and bad. With my past history of losses, I can’t even imagine when I will feel okay to talk about it. I long for the days when I was pregnant with David (in the first trimester) when I had no fear, and miscarriage was a word I was not familiar with. I just toodled along, dreaming of baby names and color combinations for the nursery. Innocent and unaware.

I guess Monday’s u/s will tell the tale, really. What can they see in a six week u/s anyway? I figure best case scenario is they see the two spots they are looking for (sac and fetal pole), and worst case they see just the sac, and schedule me for another u/s in a week because it’s still too early (a common phrase in the world of early u/s).

I would have felt better if they just said, “hey, let’s just wait one more week”, (7 weeks) and then we will know the ending or beginning to this tale with clarity.

So now I move on from one thing, to obsess about another.

Today, I am taking a break from Google.

I will not Google.
I will not Google.
I will not Google.

Sometimes it’s better to be blissfully unaware.