I did something last night that I have not done in a few years.

I cleaned out my medicine cabinet.

Not that I didn’t have the time to before (well, that is true in most cases) but I think the breaking point was our medicines and therapeutic items were scattered too far beyond the bathroom …

I couldn’t find an aspirin, or my cough medicine for my sore throat Monday night at 1:30am.

I was finding Flintstone vitamins in a junk drawer, Pepto Bismol in my makeup bag, Advil in my spice rack, and Neosporin in my sock drawer. I can’t blame everything leaving its appropriate place on my toddler son, most of the time stuff walks away because I am too lazy to put it back.

Sue me.

K, let me first say that I was N-E-V-E-R one of those people who ever snooped in someone else’s medicine cabinet. What a dumb idea, I mean, who does that??? I have no desire to see that my parent’s have hemorrhoid cream, or worse. I found enough weird crap when I was living at home as a kid, some things that would scare the bejeeezus out of a teenager!

Yeah, so not kidding.

So, before I started hauling items in the trash bag, I looked at my medicine cabinet as a whole. What does its contents say about me? If someone was snooping in my stuff, would they laugh, cry, throw-up, deem me mentally ill??

Here is what I found:
One latex rubble glove
An empty box of Superman Band-Aids
An (almost empty) box of Dora The Explorer Band-Aids
Expired mini tube of toothpaste
Pericolace, expired 7/2004 (yeah, that was from when I was pregnant with David
Advil, expired 11/2005
Oxycontin (NO, I am not addicted to Class II drugs, I was legally prescribed this after my C-section) 11 pills left in the bottle which expired 5/2004
A magnifying glass (don’t ask
paint swatches for the bathroom color
random cough drops, some of which may have been there for a looooong time
Hydrogen peroxide
First aid tape
a barette
Kid’s Tylenol
4 rubber bands
about 8 kinds of decongestants (only one not expired
a toothpick

What does this say about me? I give you my interpretation:
1. Hubby and I have too many allergies
2. I am not a drug dealer, otherwise I could have sold the Oxycontin
3. My son uses a lot of band-aids
4. Perhaps I like to dabble in CSI Investigation (hence the magnifying glass and rubber glove).
5. I need to clean out expired items more often.

Pretty much 80% of the contents went into the trash or flushed down the toilet. After I gathered the other items from around the house that rightfully belong in the medicine cabinet, I checked the expiration dates (I swear I did), put everything back and breathed a sigh of relief.

So, if you want to snoop in my medicine cabinet, come on by.

I’m ready.