what now?

I went into the OB’s office yesterday for blood work. I rushed over there because the nurse said that if I got there before noon, they’d have the results back by the end of the day.

Fast forward to 8pm, last night… my doctor calls me, completely unaware why I was in the office for blood work. The nurse did not write in the chart WHY the doctor was to call me!!! Can you believe that?!$! She’s calling me to schedule an u/s, and I’m like… “HELLO, miscarriage here!”

I was so annoyed.

So, the results didn’t come back… now I am waiting until later today for a phone call from the doctor on next steps. I assume since I was early into my pregnancy, no d&c is needed. I frankly, don’t even want to talk about the miscarriage… I just want the doctor to tell me where do we go from here. What happens now???

I can’t comprehend trying again, when it took so long to conceive this time. S. has been so supportive… “this won’t beat us down, honey… we can move forward”, he says. It’s unusual for him to be the optimistic one. In fact, most of the time I am the optimist and he is the glass half-empty guy. I guess that is why we balance each other so well.

I am just tired. I will be 39 years old on Friday, and I would have never bet in a million years that I would be approaching 40 and still not completed my family. My heart breaks every time my son asks me for a brother or sister. I can’t hold back the tears when he looks at me and asks that question. That little boy of perfection, why oh why couldn’t he have been a twin so I wouldn’t be in this predictament?

Now that I am an official fertility reject, I need to shout out to the cyber world because right now this is the only thing that will make me feel better…

This is NOT FAIR!

Sh!t, I still don’t feel better. 😦

4 thoughts on “what now?

  1. Thanks for the comments, guys. It’s almost been a week since all of this happened, and I am finally starting to see the “forest thru the trees” as it were.I know this can happen for me, and I’ve made up my mind to stay the course. I will not give up hope…

  2. I have to admit that I am not sure what to say…anything I am sure will be inappropriate in some way. I just wanted to express in some way that you are being unfair to yourself. Please do not allow this situation to sum up you as a person. I do truly hope that everything works out for you and your family.

  3. I am so sorry, truly. Never having been in your position, I can’t say I fully understand what you are feeling. But I am a mom, and I can at least try to understand your pain and frustration. This probably doesn’t count for much, but my sister had 2 miscarriages before her second son came along. And she’s just had her third baby. It’s in the cards for you and your family. But waiting and wondering and trying to stay optimistic is one of the hardest parts . . .

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